« Advocacy Day wrapup | Main | WTFSON »
07/15/2009
You'll feel like you're falling but you're not. That is, unless you're Julia.
Oh, I'm sure Disneyland's nice and all, but its claim to be the happiest place on Earth is patently false. After this year's vacation I can authoritatively say that the happiest place on Earth is Tyler Place. Disney has rides and shows and character dining — which incidentally makes me think of nothing so much as that old PBS show, Meeting of Minds, Steve Allen's brainchild, a kind of talk show where actors playing historical figures from different eras would come together and plug their latest declaration of human rights or this new heliocentrism thing they were just getting into or maybe their upcoming beheading. I mean I cannot think about character dining — and what a phrase, now that I'm on the subject, totally devoid of any of the trademark Disney magic. They might as well call it Continental Breakfast Served in Relative Proximity to Slender Young Woman Chosen for Resemblance (Eyes, Giant; Nose, Miniature, Jewellike) to 2D Animated Possibly Anti-Feminist Focus-Grouped Fictional Heroine and be done with it —
Wait, I got lost. Oh, I know: I was saying that I couldn't think of Disney character breakfasts without imagining an appalled Cinderella seated between Martin Luther and the Marquis de goddamn Sade and that's probably not what the nice people in marketing intended, but that's where I always end up.
And to bring this back, finally, to where I started, I'll allow that Disney holds a great deal of attraction for many young families on vacation. Tyler Place, however, has its own inimitable brand of magic. It's called They Care for Your Child While You Lie Around in a Hammock.
...Or, if you are me, Ditto Ditto While You Attempt to Reach a Hammock That Certainly Looks Attainable, But Slip on the Algae-Covered Rocks, and Take a Bath in the Slimy Shallows of Lake Champlain and Then Crouch Behind Some Surfboards Until Everyone Else Has Left the Area Lest They Discover What a Fool You Are, As If You Hadn't Already Made That Eminently Obvious During Karaoke.
Not shown: My algae-slicked ass, visible waves of shame
Every morning, I walked Charlie to the clubhouse, where he met his group for games, swimming, a boat ride, crafts, fishing, and, I don't know, learning to bring down a full-grown buck with his bare hands, his teeth, and a sharpened popsicle stick. (Charlie was always enthusiastic at dropoff and pickup, but somewhat vague about the details.) And Paul delivered Ben to Jane, our one-on-one parents' helper, a supremely pleasant and responsible woman about my age who strolled him around the grounds, let him explore in the grass, held him in the wading pool, encouraged him to crawl with the other babies, and let him eat bits of chocolate cake or Cheez-Its or possibly lumps of Play-Doh. ("He wouldn't eat his fruit or bread," she'd say, "so I gave hi—" "Fine!" I would boom, "Just fine!" Because unless she was about to say plutonium, really, how could it not be?)
(Ben, not Paul. Paul rarely eats Play-Doh anymore.)
Then Paul and I would go to breakfast, meeting my mother in the dining room, and possibly Julia and Steve, and afterward move on to leisurely pursuits like yoga or tennis or the low ropes course, an exercise in trust and team-building that I failed spectacularly. I would like to say in my defense that Julia needed dropping, but I'd be lying; in fact I was just inadequately braced when she fell my way like a human bowling pin. To atone for my failure, I was selected as the first to fall backward from a five-foot platform into the waiting arms of my teammates. Luckily Julia was on the other team and could not therefore "accidentally" fail to catch me. Steve was on my team, and perhaps he felt the fall had done Julia good, because he didn't drop me, not even a little, although now that I think of it his "Oof!" when I landed was perhaps a bit theatrical. But that could have been in retaliation for the time a fellow camper had approached him and, wide-eyed, asked him — I swear to God, she said this — "You look like a movie star, but I can't think which one. Which one is it, do you know?"
"Kathy Bates," I helpfully supplied, when Steve seemed too flustered to answer. But tell me: Am I wrong?
So after lunch Paul and I would collect Ben and Charlie and spend the afternoon together. Trampolines, mini golf, pony rides, biking, or, when it rained, stretching out with a book.
Sometimes just us in the afternoon, sometimes meeting up with friends.
(Photographic proof that there were at least ninety seconds of his vacation that Patrick enjoyed. Unless that smile is actually a rictus of loathing.)
After playtime the kids would go back to their groups or their parents' helpers to go on a pirate voyage or see a marionette show or vandalize townspeople's mailboxes or — look, isn't it clear by now that I don't actually know what they did or ate, just they came back fed, tired, and happy? And that that is enough, more than enough, an embarrassment of parental vacationary riches?
Because while they were doing these things, Paul and I were having cocktails and dinner with other adults in the dining room, no kids allowed. (A funny thing I heard was that someone had learned about Tyler Place by Googling "dinner without kids." Not that it worked for me. And, no, Google. No, I didn't mean that.)
It was an amazing impossible gift of a week. I loved having my mother there, with time for her to enjoy Ben and Charlie without the work of keeping them. I met some truly lovely people and had time to get to know them as people, instead of primarily as Chloe's mom — four Chloes that week — or the father of Jacob, Joshua, or both. I got to watch Charlie ride a zip line, got to hold Ben as he kicked happily in the pool, had afternoons to revel in my kids being kids without simultaneously thinking, "What godforsaken sludge do we have in the freezer that I can pass off tonight as dinner?" It was a real vacation, and how often do those come along for a family with small children? Happiest place on Earth, and speaking of cryopreserved biomatter, if Walt Disney disagrees, I hope that somewhere in Heaven, Thomas Aquinas, or at least Steve Allen, is punching him in the face.
Oh, and I don't have any pictures of Ben at Tyler Place, probably because he was so busy romping through daisies or feeling the breeze on his face during a pontoon boat ride or perhaps stroking the silvery flank of the tamest of pegasus unicorns or something, who cares? it was fun, so instead here's one of him in his new favorite pursuit, moving furniture.
On a quotidian basis I find it sort of annoying, the way he pushes everything around so that it blocks the doorways, but I bet during a zombie attack he'll be a useful person to have around.
Comments (50)
Verify your Comment
Previewing your Comment
This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
You know that everyone's over on Julia's page ragging on Steve for dropping her? She was very vague...
That looks like a fabulous vacation, and thanks for the laughs!
Wow. Just wow. I am bookmarking Tyler Place for our future vacation planning needs.
Yay, thank you for divulging this wonderous place!
And yeah, I totally thought Steve was the jerk. Kathy Bates? HAHA! Jerky McJerkface!
While reading Julia's post yesterday I couldn't help thinking "where is this wondrous place where you can go and be an adult (sans children)?" Sounds delightful.
Yeah...am bookmarking this place too.
That google thing made me laugh.
So I'm bringing my two new adopted children home from Russia in about four weeks! And today I was all bummed because I saw that the Sea Mammal Rescue Center needed volunteers and I won't have time to volunteer now that I have children. Not that I had made any effort to volunteer for them or anybody during the 15 years that I have lived here!!!!!
I am so thankful that every second of my free time for the next 18 years now has something to be taken up by. What a long road.
Wow...what a fabulous vacation.
Is this heaven?
No. It's Vermont!
You are totally right--this is better than Disneyland, where you drag your screaming child from one hour-long line to the next for 4 minutes of smiles (if that). Your vacation sounds GREAT for everyone involved.
I absolutley LOVE the pic of the reading time-that is a precious pic!
My 17 year old wants to know if there were hot guys. Not to touch (because the rest of us would be there) but to at least look at.
What a lovely week. I confess that I'm jealous. It all just sounds so idyllic and divine.
Was the Kimball family there? Perhaps Christopher will write about it in his next Letter from VT. Ha!
OMG, I can't believe you guys where there. My family went there for a reunion when I was 14, and it was hell. All the other family's kids were tiny, but for a teen, well I read a lot of True Obsessions I relentlessly begged from the local gas station's ample selection since there was nothing else to do, and I'd read all 6 books I brought. ANd GOD, having to eat with all those little kids every day. Oh, and I went to second base for the first time with the son of one of the cooks, who also got me into smoking and maybe cheap wine. So I'm glad you had an awesome time, but you may want to stop that by age 12 or so...
Ah, what a wonderful vacation! I'm so glad you (and Julia!) had a great time. And how fun to read about it on both your blog and hers. I especially like seeing pictures of her kids (and movie-star husband) on your site. Makes me happy to know that two of my favorite bloggers are good friends!
I know some people are thinking, "OHNOES She left her preshus baybees WITH STRANGERS!" but all I'm thinking is, "Go, you."
Perfection, with a dose of children!!!
Nono, Lisa. No one is thinking that.
Yes! Now I know the NAME of this amazing place! We were hounding Julia to spill it, cause she didn't say. And like so many others, I assumed it was Steve who did the dropping (ah assume, it makes a ... well, you know).
"during a zombie attack he'll be a useful person to have around." -- bwahahahah!
Yes you're wrong, he's the image of Colin Farrel. Holiday sounds great, better than Bruges anyway.
That's it. We are SO going there next year.
SO jealous. Of both of you. What an awesome, awesome place. Saving my nickels so that next year I can go to the Happiest Place on Earth.
The comment about the Kimball family being there made me laugh so hard I sprayed my screen with coffee. Thank you for that, snickolett :)
So surreal - but cool, I hasten to add - to see pics of the twinks on your site.
I already loved Vermont for the scenery and Ben & Jerry's and birdseyebuilding.com and the Yestermorrow Design/Build School (yestermorrow.org if you're curious), now I have another reason to add to my list. If I ever move to the States I'll have to seriously consider it as a potential home.
I'll leave the same comment I did on Julia's blog--I was at the Tyler place the week ending July 4. I can't believe I just missed you two.
I'll definitely have to send in my deposit for next year NOW, because all your collective blog readers are going to flock to the place.
Shawna, Paul takes classes at Yestermorrow sometimes!
Denise, were you the one who looked simply desolate as you left? Weeping tears of desperation? I'm pretty sure I saw you.
We went there twice. Loved the food, loved the activities... Didn't love the huge pricetag, especially given that our accommodation had a noisy nocturnal animal living in the crawlspace. Also didn't love the military rigidity...
When we went to pick up our daughter "early" from the organized activities at 7:30pm (her usual bedtime) one night we caught up with her on the gloomiest, saddest looking hayride - a dozen or so 4- and 5-year olds all about to keel over from exhaustion. Their little thousand-mile-stares haunted me for the rest of the week.
If you do go, and if you think you might like to share even one evening meal with your family that week, my advice is to bring your own food. The Tyler staff will make it impossible for you to have their food with your family. If one of your kids gets sick, or just has a bad day and wants to be with mom and dad instead of the other campers and counselors, you'll be glad you came prepared.
Ack. On Julia's post I left the comment: "Sounds like the Tyler Place. Is Chad still a total hottie? My DD was three when we went ... [Blah, blah, blah.]" ... THEN those crazy Tyler folks posted the post on freaking Facebook and my Chad lust was almost outed. FB is not nearly as anonymous as Typepad (that would miss the point of social networking I guess). Anywho. I didn't jump into the fray and own up on FB in case we go back to Tyler - I can't remember if Patsy is the jealous type ;-)
After reading Julia's post, I had already decided that Tyler family place would be our next vacation next summer. Sounds like heaven on earth. . .
But mostly I wanted to say that if there's someone in Heaven going around punching people in the face, it is DEFINITELY Thomas Aquinas. And the mental pictures makes me giggle and giggle, esp since in the face off btw TA and WD, I'm squarely in the side of TA.
As a native Vermonter, I am extremely disappointed in my parents for not taking me to Tyler Place. I intend to send my father a very strongly worded email about this. (I'm sure, 30 years later, he will be duly chastised.)
I've found that nobody in Vermont knows about it! And, really, why would they need it? All it is is what you'd get if you rented a cabin on a lake, which plenty of people do — only with all meals, all entertainment, and twenty-three hours of child care a day provided.
Wait, retract that question. Never mind.
You and Julia and fam went together? Wow, this sounds like an even more awesome vacation than I first thought reading, if that is even possible. Wow. Tyler Place should send you both back next year as a thank you for the publicity.
That vacation sounds so amazing. Childcare! Eating without children! Hammocks! Friends! Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you!
Do my eyes detect the pink and purple pirate pattern on the high chair in the background of the last picture??
So how much does heaven on earth cost? My family won't be going on vacation any time soon so I don't want to sign up to have a brochure sent to me, but I'd like to keep it in mind for the future.
My family goes to a similar place in VT: Basin Harbor. Same formula except much more flexible (see Jean's comments). You can eat with your kids if you want to, and we do so half the nights. But it really is heavenly to have mornings to yourself and no planning needed for meals. The only downside of these places is the subprime mortgage you have to take on to pay for it!
OMG, between you and Julia I am just drooling over the place. So glad to hear you had a fabulous time, and that the kids apparently did too. They're adorable as ever!
I blamed Steve too.
You did something a while ago that peeved me a fair bit Julie, but you have TOTALLY redeemed yourself by posting a photo of Steve.
Why, why WHY doen't we have a Tyler's Place in Australia? Sounds great!!
Woo, Julie and Julia AND their families in the same place at the same time! Must have been heaven on hysterically funny earth.
Glad you all had so much fun.
wow...just requested a brochure! Sounds amazing!
Totally off topic, but have you seen the movie posters for 'Julie and Julia?' A totally black backdrop with two eggs leaning against each other. I stared at it for 10 minutes trying to decide if you and Julia had made a move together. I think it's about some silly Julia Child thing. But if you two ever do a movie, you should totally steal their poster idea. And that's a movie I would see - hysterical and much more personally relevant than the cookbook idea.
What a beautiful place, wouldn't we all wanna go there. I love hammocks, especially on a warm summer night lying there watching the stars and hearing the sound of crickets.
I think I've been by here before, but not in a long time. Got linked through your original "lunchblock" article (2006), hit Main, and read this article. Now I'm wishing I lived in or near Vermont.
But I'm taking the time to comment because moving furniture is all the rage at our house, too. And you know, because your life is now complete knowing that a total stranger's toddler enjoys one or more of the same activities that your toddler enjoys (shocking, I'm sure).
Well ok, and because I'm adding you to my feed reader and I'll probably be back and so Hi!
Glad to hear that you had a fun vacation. The pictures of your children are adorable . . . they are both getting so big. I read the part about Ben being good to have around in a zombie attack to my husband and he wanted me to pass along his tip about zombie attacks . . . you want to be in a Sam's Club or a Super WalMart with a garage (and guns)when the attack happens and he wants to be in the same one with Ben. LOL!
I am so glad to see pictures of them!
We've been guests of The Tyler Place for the last 5 years and it's fantastic.
To the poster who said to forget it if your kids got sick or needed a break, I have to respond. Two of the five years we've been going, we ended up with a sick kid. Last year our son was perfectly fine until we arrived and proceeded to projectile vomit (and more) the first 4 days of our vacation. The dining room staff was MORE than happy to get me or my husband boxes of food to bring back. They would let us in even when the dining room was closed if we needed juice or cereal boxes. The staff in the camp area packed up extra food for us to bring back. Tyler Place provided a sitter at no cost to us during group hours once our kids were feeling better, just not well enough to go to group. Our sitter took them outside to sit and relax or down to the lake to watch the water. She brought activities to the cabin.
If you want to take a break from the evening activities, it's as simple as having one of you go to the dining room and asking a server for to go boxes and cups. They'll even provide a picnic basket to carry everything back to your cabin.
Kathy Bates? No. Susan Sarandon? Yes.
Can I be the A-hole here and ask, given the current state of affairs in blogging, whether you or Julia were paid or given discounts to advertise for Tyler Place? These days, when you see two popular bloggers vacationing together, you have to wonder.
The answer is a resounding no. I don't do that.
I'm so excited to hear this!! Tyler Place was on my list of places for vacation this summer, but I got nixed by my husband (for $$ reasons only). It sounds perfect. Wonder if I could book now for next summer?
Hi, Julie.
I stumbled onto your website while doing a search about my clear blue fertility monitor. Weird, I know ... but I am so thankful that I found your site.
I have spent literally all morning (and now afternoon) reading your blog from the very first entry up until now.
I am 31 and found out I was pregnant (with our first) around March. I never made it to my first official appointment because it turns out that it was an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube and I had to have emergency surgery to remove it.
I have since been spending the rest of the year in and out of my RE's office doing all the tests that you are so familiar with.
Long story short: our chances of conceiving on our own is 1-3% leaving us with 2 options.
1st option:
Do 3 rounds of Clomid with an intrauterine insemination (IUI) after each round of medicine. Chances of concieving that way are 10-15%.
2nd option:
IVF. Chances of conceiving that way are 60+%.
Reading your blog has been ... scary ... and real, something that I needed to know.
I am so glad that everything finally worked out for you and your husband and your son is adorable.
I have been thinking about blogging about my experiences and I just might now after spending so much time reading yours.
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing all of your ups and downs, the heartaches and now your experiences with motherhood.
I can't wait to join the club.
-- Susan
Hi! I just found your site. We leave for Tyler Place next Saturday for the first time, and as someone who has certain control issues (so say my husband, therapist, and undoubtedly my husband's mother), I have been combing The Internets for any morsel of evidence that I will in fact have a good time, dammit! Love your writing! As an aside, infertility blows, right? I know.
Yes, the Tyler Place is magic. We have been there 12 times in the last 13 years. We started pronouncing that this would be "our last summer visiting the Tyler Place" at about year six; but each year after having yet another best-week-of-the-year we sign up to come back.
I do get upset when I hear it described as a place where parents can dump their kids for the week. The magic of TP is that you do get family time, but it's all positive time (no feeding your kids, for example), and it's balanced with adult time. And you're all sharing the same facilities. There's something very therapeutic about kids seeing their parents have fun and vice versa.
As for the 12-yr-old with the bad experience some years ago, I say try coming during high season when the teen program's busy. My 14 year old would have a fit if we didn't come back.