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01/29/2010
Chopsticks, also known as nimble lads
There's something I don't get about the Tim Tebow story, and maybe you can help me out.
In case you're not familiar with it — in case you know even less about major professional sporting events than I do, which would be difficult unless you actually shove a bamboo chopstick up your nose and, you know, wiggle it around a bit to erase any tiny flare of information about same that accidentally snakes its way into your consciousness, and in case you've been ignoring women's health and reproductive choice advocacy national news, a category I just made up in my own chopstick-damaged brain...
...Where was I? I lost myself. I think there must be a splinter lodged up there somewhere. It makes me hard to do an thought.
Oh, yeah. In case you don't know what's up, James Dobson's festival of evangelical intolerance, Focus on the Family, has announced that they're airing an ad during the Super Bowl featuring college football star Tim Tebow and his mother: "The 30-second spot from the international family-help organization will feature college football star Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam. They will share a personal story centered on the theme of 'Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life.'" Seems they'll talk about Pam Tebow's choice — note choice — not to terminate her complicated pregnancy when advised to by doctors.
Now, y'all know by now how much I love abortion. Does a body good. Sticks to your ribs. The other white meat. It's what's for dinner. In fact, I think everyone should be required to have at least one. So obviously this pushes my buttons. But leaving aside my personal feelings, and my opinion about airing such an ad during the Super Bowl, imagining which I leave as an exercise for the reader, I find myself sort of confused.
I was wondering, because it's my nosy-ass business, what condition Pam Tebow had that caused doctors to urge a termination for the sake of her health. That's the story that I was hearing, that she'd chosen to risk her life for the pregnancy against medical advice. I found this 2007 article from the Gainesville Sun that seems to lay it out:
[W]hile their prayers were answered [And, no, they weren't infertile. — Ed.], the pregnancy proved difficult from the beginning.
Just before her pregnancy, Pam fell into a coma after contracting amoebic dysentery, a bacteria transmitted through contaminated drinking water. During her recovery, she received a series of strong medications. And even though she discontinued the regimen when she discovered the pregnancy, doctors told Pam the fetus had been damaged.
Doctors later told Pam that her placenta had detached from the uterine wall, a condition known as placental abruption, which can deprive the fetus of oxygen and nutrients. Doctors expected a stillbirth, Pam said, and they encouraged her to terminate the pregnancy.
"They thought I should have an abortion to save my life from the beginning all the way through the seventh month," she recalled.
I'm having trouble figuring out what the real thrust is here. Was she encouraged — begging the question — to terminate because the health of the fetus was thought to be compromised, i.e., deformed from the drugs or brain-damaged? Or was it because her life was at risk — say, from bleeding caused by an abruption?
I have a hard time believing the former, just given the time and place. I have an easier time understanding the latter, although it seems to me, and I am not a doctor despite the little rubber reflex hammer I tap people on the knee with instead of shaking hands like a normal not-crazy person, and the tongue depressors I carry around and shove into strangers' mouths without warning, and the nonconsensual pelvic exams I perform when I happen to see someone just lying there under general anaesthetic, practically asking for it, walking that walk, wearing that low-cut surgical gown...
Whoa, another splinter.
...But isn't expectant management generally the approach to an early abruption — early as in "from the beginning" — and wouldn't this have been the case particularly in the abortion-hostile cultural climate of the Philippines?
On the other hand, there's the possibility that the bleeding from an abruption was severe enough to truly jeopardize Pam Tebow's life. That would have justified a warning that the only treatment was delivery, assuming such an option were available given, again, the time and place. And significantly before term, that would have constituted a termination de facto. But if she were losing that much blood, enough that she was losing significant ground, enough to recommend ending the pregnancy, wouldn't it have affected the fetus first? Wouldn't Tim Tebow have been stillborn, or born with much greater disadvantages than just being "skinny" at birth, as his mother reports?
I'm not even sure what I'm getting at, just that I think I must be missing something and I can't put my finger on exactly what it might be. I doubt I will; this seems to be all of the story we'll get. The ambiguity may be intentional, or it may be simply the result of an imperfect recollection 25 years later. Paul helpfully reminds me that even five years later I'm not entirely clear on what happened with Charlie, after all, and I have notes. Hell, I don't know: Maybe Pam Tebow has chopstick flinders in her brain, too.
Can you figure it out? What am I missing about all this? I'll totally give an unwanted public breast exam to anyone who can help me out.
In other news, Ben eats a muffin, continues to have ears:
...and generally makes a compelling case for Occasionally Infuriating Toddlers, Ongoing Tolerance and Harboring of. He wakes routinely at 5:30 AM. He ruins dinner every...single...night by caterwauling as if he were being harpooned a mere five minutes into the meal. He throws things, the heavier, the better. He resists diaper changes by means of heedlessly flopping around on the changing table, frenziedly bucking his hips as if he were auditioning for a Lady Gaga video — I don't know, does she have any songs about being covered with digested blueberry waste? (Does she have any songs that aren't?) He is a rotten feral beast of a creature. Except.
He likes shoes, asks for them by name. At a dinner party a few weeks ago, he patiently brought a pair from the front hall to every unshod guest, as if it had been a regrettable oversight that we removed our muddy boots at the door. He asks to be read to, fetching a book and then walking over to a chair and meaningfully patting its seat. He happily emulates Charlie, eagerly brushing his teeth when his brother does; dragging a book and a blanket over to the sofa where Charlie's stretched out reading; dancing naked in the hallway before bathtime, a waggling Donald O'Connor to Charlie's floppy Gene Kelly. He beams and waves when the cat warily enters the room: "Hah, ca'!" In short, he eats a muffin, continues to have ears.
As for Charlie, he makes books on tape.
Which I totally, unapologetically, God-my-kid-is-awesome love. But even apart from how charming I find it ("Stuart Little. Written by Eb White"), it's reassuring to know that if neither his first choice of career — a spy — nor his second — circus acrobat — nor even his third — crocus farmer, and I am not even kidding — pan out, he'll have a marketable skill to fall back on. Not that I think he'll need it. It's not like there's some global surplus of spymasters out there...who hawk saffron...wearing tights...on a trapeze....right?
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My Mea loves shoes too. We have a fight nearly everyday about why it's not such a good idea to wear flip flops outside, in Iowa, in the winter.
Totally jealous of those ears! My youngest only has one, though, so that's kind of my thing now....
I wish we could run a counter ad during the super bowl...
"Because I had a choice, I could walk away from a man who almost beat me to death, and never have to see him again, not in a court, a hospital, or a school play for our child. Restraining orders don't always work. The choice saved my life."
some how I don't think Pam Tebow has ever imagined being in a place like that.
For the record, not all Christians are bat shit crazy. Just thought I'd put that out there. :)
Wow, that's a crazy story...I read the linked articles, and the most plausible explanation my feeble (chopstick-poked) brain can come up with is: 1)Pam did get sick and get some hard core drugs 2)She may have been told that taking such drugs while pregnant could have damaged the fetus. 3)I suppose a partial placental abruption could have happened, but for her to deliver a healthy infant at term, doesn't seem like it could have been very severe.
I can't see how doctors in a country where abortion is/was illegal in all cases could possibly suggest one to her. Maybe she misunderstood and they said she might spontaneously abort? Maybe she made the "encouraged to abort" part up to have a story to get behind for her anti-choice lobbying.
Anyway, mysterious healthy births aside, I love the stories about your boys! I keep them in mind, as I have two young boys (they are one now) and you give an idea of what kind of behaviour to look for.
So, 20-some years ago, in the Phillipines, a woman was told that the drugs she was taking might cause birth defects. Or maybe she had placental abruption which could cause her baby to die. Given my overly cynical view of pro-life advocates, the chopsticks in MY brain say that she inferred that abortion was a recommendation from the warnings that she received. Not that she was told that abortion was recommended. But, I have chopsticks in my brain, so what do I know?
I love that your Charlie is making books on tape! Your boys are adorable.
I don't think you're missing anything so much as it is that you can't your finger on exactly what it is that bugs you about the whole ad. What bothers me about it is the sweetly disguised jab at people who've at some point either chosen or might choose abortion.
Basically, she's parading around her golden boy saying to the world, "LOOK! See here, what my staunch aversion not to abort has given me, and YOU, dear audience! The world would be depraved of the goodness that is Tim Tebow - my son - because I made the RIGHT choice NOT to abort. Just how sad would you be if I'd aborted him, hmm??? What about YOU, audience? Who have YOU deprived the world of, with your less-than perfect choices?"
It just feels *wrong* to parade her son around as the Almost But Wasn't Aborted Boy, and even worse to do it part of a pro-life campaign.
But that's just me.
Your boys have The Awesome.
Some magazine last month had Sarah and Bristol Palin on the cover and the headline was something like "I'm so glad I chose life." It made me growl. Way to stab the heart of every woman in the check out line who had to choose her own life instead, or circumstance lead to such a result. Or even made a difficult choice with a different outcome. I just made me want to scream.
Know what irks me about this ad (you know, besides the sanctimonious holier-than-thou content)? The amount of money spent on it.
Real live born children suffer all over the world. Let's spend more than the GDP of a small nation to make people feel guilty!
Yay Jesus.
I'm just mad about saffron.
No, I can't help you out. Other than to say that since amoeba are eukaryotes, any drug that kills them would probably have a high probability of being harmful to a developing fetus.
I've been wanting someone to make the counter-ad, which in my imagination has an adorable child saying "Thanks to the freedom of choice my Mommy is here today." And then it would cut to someone explaining how her Mommy's second pregnancy had a life-threatening complication, and how she made the gut-wrenching choice to end it and ensure that she was still there for her child.
But then I can't imagine anyone putting their child through the making of such an ad, so I think it is best if it just stays in my imagination.
No, I can't help you out. Other than to say that since amoeba are eukaryotes, any drug that kills them would probably have a high probability of being harmful to a developing fetus.
I've been wanting someone to make the counter-ad, which in my imagination has an adorable child saying "Thanks to the freedom of choice my Mommy is here today." And then it would cut to someone explaining how her Mommy's second pregnancy had a life-threatening complication, and how she made the gut-wrenching choice to end it and ensure that she was still there for her child.
But then I can't imagine anyone putting their child through the making of such an ad, so I think it is best if it just stays in my imagination.
I'm going with: Bending the Facts to Make a Nice Story.
And regardless of those facts, I'd love to hear how that situation -- deeply desired pregnancy, ongoing maternal struggles -- has anything whatsoever to do with any other woman's choices about a pregnancy. Seriously. What woman, in the midst of a medical crisis, thinks to herself, "well, now I've discussed this with my doctor, and my partner (if she has one), and my family (if they're around), and I've weighed the risks, and yearned for the rewards, and I've made my decision -- but WAIT. Some OTHER woman, 25 years ago, made a decision of her OWN. Now I'm going to go BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD."
Right. Sure. Okay.
I'm more of a tarragon person myself. Plus the voles ate more than half my crocuses. Grrrr.
I keep meaning to write about this, and other people keep beating me to it, so we'll see if I can get around to my personal problem with this whole thing, but they seem to boil down to: she has lumped me in this mess with her, what with my bleeding and potential abruption/infection and all, and I'm as die-hard pro-choice as they come. And to insinuate that the answer to keeping the baby is an all-star quarterback blessed by god infuriates me. What does that say about me? I went along with my pregnancy (granted, had been told the bleeding was nothing to worry about, was in a country with u/s technology, etc., but let's face it -- we both made a "choice") but I wanted my kid, too. So she gets a "miracle" and I don't? She's peddling obstetric luck off as gospel and that makes me sick.
Better remove my splinters before I organize my thoughts, clearly.
I'm with you. CBS claims to not air political ads during sports. This is so patently political. I can't imagine this'll be the last time we see this one-sided moralizing crap.
I'm no help on the ad.
I love, from the other article linked, "You don't probe, poke or otherwise invade the orifices of a patient without their permission, regardless of how educational it might be. Period." Any chance you could put that on a pair of your socks -- you know the ones I mean, with your chart on them?
Love, love, love the pictures (also, am relieved to learn we're not the only household where dinner involves inexplicable caterwauling). Is it possible Charlie's working his way through the alphabet, or maybe just being guided by the first letter of his name -- you know, CIA, circus, crocus? Just askin'.
I'm glad she had a choice to continue a potentially lethal pregnancy and all. Yay for choice! Choice is awesome. I like the way it allows a mother to actually choose her life over her fetus or vice versa.
So, you don't think the ad really celebrates choice?
Well, at least that guy who killed Dr. Tiller was convicted or murder.
I heard about this story a few weeks ago and wondered most of the same things. I don't understand what is really going on with the story. To me it sounds little bit like certain facts are being left out to spread a certain message. It's not lying if you leave it you...riiiight.
What Kymberli said.
As for Ben? Well, *I* have a Ben, now three years old, who would seem to be channeling YOUR Ben. Or vice versa? I don't know.
Anyhow, at three, my Ben's bad behavior is SORTA KINDA GETTING better. But his good behavior is absolutely off-the-charts, just-try-not-to-hand-over-your-wallet-and-car-keys-to-this-kid charming.
It's amazing how they are capable of such extremes of behavior!
Anyway, good luck to you, to all of us!
Gah! I know! There is something fishy about the whole story, and I really hope it's just imperfect recollection. But honestly? I think it's just spin. It makes a good story, her son is a celebrity (I mean, among people who actually follow this stuff, which despite a lack of chopsticks, I do quite honestly know *nothing* about), it makes her feel brave or whatever. Whatever.
I keep wanting not to care, but that whole line of discourse just rubs me the wrong way.
Just read about this on CNN. CBS has revisited their policy of not airing advocacy ads to conform to "industry norms". Whatever.
I want to call bullshit on something that NOW said.
[Terry] O'Neill [NOW President] said in a statement obtained by CNN. "There are always going to be women who need abortions. In this country, one in three women will have an abortion."
I don't doubt that there are women who need abortions, but I think one in three women having one sounds kind of high. I'd like a source on that like "a 2008 Guttmacher Institute survey says....blah de blah."
In fact, according to something on the Guttmacher Institute website dated July 2008,
"Each year, about two percent of women aged 15-44 have an abortion; 47% of them have had at least one previous abortion." and "At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45[4], and, at current rates, about one-third will have had an abortion."
OK, I rescind my call of bull shit. Sorry. Nothing to see here.
*gah* I think I'll keep the chopsticks handy for poking my eyes out when the ad airs.
Kymberli nails it for me. The circumstances surrounding the almost-abortion almost never matter to me in these situations. What I find universally repugnant and distasteful is the notion perpetuated by anti-choice groups that almost-aborted babies are variations on The Golden Child.
Thinking about an abortion? Think again! Your NFL-sponsored Chunky Soup commercial is just a few cell divisions away!
It's like comparing apples to concrete blocks. A 25-year-old adult is not a reasonable comp to a pregnancy on the verge of termination, no matter what the reason. I know, I know, it IS, but in the circumstances as they are presented to us in these ads, there isn't enough of a connection to the real story to be compelling, or even reasonable.
guess I'm even less aware ofd sports than you are, splinter head, because I hadn't read about this.
I don't think you're missing anything. it's intentionally ambiguous and possibly misleading. she's simply being used as a tool of the right to further its anti-woman ant-choice agenda. they are trying to get the country back, dammit, and what better place to start than the super bowl (and massachusetts).
I did not have time to read all the comments, so I do not know if this information (if it is, in fact, accurate information) is repetitive....
but here goes it
http://www.newser.com/story/79581/the-real-story-of-tim-tebows-near-abortion.html
I don't worry too much about the ad, because I don't think it will have much effect (affect?) except to make the pro choice community collectively roll their eyes/vomit/scream at the screen when it airs. I do follow college football and Tim Tebow's actually kind of a delightful person, if a bit evangelical for my taste. Mama trotting him out for the pro life movement is a bit icky, but on the 1-10 Lindsay Lohan scale of grody parenting and child exploitation, I'd put Mama Tebow at a 1 or 2. Pro life wants to spend their money on spun sugar, go on. Lovely women who have struggled with the choice to abort a fetus (prayed for or not) will feel bad, but free speech means good people feel bad sometimes.
Someone already mentioned the one thing that irks me, though. Spend that effing money on supporting women in difficult situations who do decide to keep their babies, or on teaching teens about birth control, if saving fetuses is so important to you. It's a lot of gelt to drop on a useless ad, when they could actually achieve something I think we'd all like - fewer abortions because fewer women are screwed by a system that punishes them all 'round for anything related to reproduction - be it infertility, deadbeat dads, health problems, or getting fired for daring to have a kid and a career.
Whoops, I'm back, having just seen where Emily's list has a petition you can send to CBS objecting to their "choice" (hahaha I slay myself) to run this ad -- http://emilyslist.org/news/cbs/cbs_petition_choice2.
My little guy is just a bit younger than Ben, and he is totally obsessed with shoes, too. we take them off, he carries them to us. The only thing funnier is watching him try to step into them. Great age.
No no no. You all have it wrong.
The real problem with the ad is that Mrs. Tebow is obviously speaking for a side that she can't possibly agree with. After all, every child who was aborted (for whatever reason) would have gone on to be a fantastic football player, thereby making Tim's competition much steeper. And then Tim might not be as big a star as he is now, and she wouldn't have the chance to be on TV. You see? THAT'S the problem with the ad!
Love the stories about the kids. Especially Charlie making audio books!
Saffron's mad about me.
p.s. Looking forward to my unwanted breast exam! Do I have to be unconscious to get it?
@Aunt Becky - Let's call it mellow yellow and be done with it.
I'm not sure when watching the Super Bowl whether I would rather have to explain an Anti-Abortion commercial or a non-sensical buxom Go Daddy commercial to a 4.75 year old.
Honestly, I think they're banking on this discussion.
It turns into a debate over whether she 'really' was at risk. People debating whether or not the fetus really was in danger, whether or not her life really was in danger. And, since he's obviously alive, the implicit point is 'look how awful these doctors are for suggesting it, doctors obviously don't know what they're talking about, abortion should be illegal so that they can't even suggest such a terrible thing when they might be wrong.'
Completely ignoring the fact that, if we take her story at face value, the moral of their story is "if doctors advise you that your life is at risk due to a pregnancy we want you to have no option other than to wait and see if you die or give birth to a star quarterback."
Likely-dead babies' lives are more important than women's. Right? That's the message I'm getting. Thanks for clearing that up, fotf.
Yeah, putting aside the whole "I think you missed the word 'partial' in front of 'abruption'" thing, AND the whole "Whoopee, you made a choice! That means you're prochoice!" AND the whole "Look, nobody's trying to pass blanket laws to make it illegal to continue an uncomfortable, dangerous or possibly doomed pregnancy, so shut it" issues (which, I'm sorry, I am unable to do), I'd like to point out that you could just as easily run commercials with the mother of:
1. The Green River Killer
2. Ted Bundy
3. Any idiot who shoots up a school
4. Maurice Clemmons
5. ...or any number of assorted murders, rapists, or child molesters
I'm sure we're all glad that their mothers chose to continue THOSE pregnancies, which is exactly as valid an argument for/against abortion as Tebow's mom's, which is "NOT AT ALL."
How nauseating. It's one thing for the pro-choice community to shove an ad down our throats celebrating a mother for "choosing life" when told her fetus might have debilitating disabilities (it's called CHOICE for a reason) (although as a sidebar it makes me CRAZY that the anti-abortion faction has made this their poster position, as though pro-choice mothers don't make the same decision every. single. day. Pro-choice women do not abort at the drop of a hat, people!). But it's another thing to suggest that it's acceptable or even preferable to continue with a really dangerous pregnancy. Again, no judgments about women who make such decisions - since I've never been in that position, I can't imagine the complicated medical and personal angles to it. But the ad seems aimed at trying to dismantle the whole "threat to a mother's life" argument, which pi$$es me off like McCain's scare quotes. It's like this woman is saying glibly, "see I was told I had a life-threatening condition but I ignored my doctor's advice and now my son is rich & famous! You should do the same!" That grosses me out, even though I would not criticize or question her personal and medical decisions, whatever the circumstances were. (Because I believe in, you know, choice and a woman's autonomy over her own body.)
And I just wanted to add a moment a silence for Dr. Tiller, since we're talking about abortion today. There is no justice for him, or for the women deprived of needed and compassionate care due to his loss, but at least his murderer got life in prison for 1st degree murder and not some half-a$$ed manslaughter sentence.
Waaaaaaaaaaaait a second.
Mrs. Tebow was pregnant in the Phillipines, right? Abortion is totally illegal in the Phillipines, even if the pregnancy is going to up and kill a woman.
Saw this link on Cecily's:
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2010/01/26/exodus-2016/
Yup, the Salon article I linked to is about that. Interestingly, many of the comments call the writer out for being disingenuous; as a (presumably privileged) American, Tebow could have traveled home to the U.S. or Australia for an abortion, should she have chosen to, and it's not out of the question that her doctors would have known that.
I usually don't chime in on discussions like this because my babies were *so* wanted and desired and loved that I hate associating myself with anything similar to the "a" word. That said - at 20 weeks pregnant, we were told that if we did not induce labor, I would die from HELLP Syndrome. We were told that I would die long before our twins would reach viability. So, either I die, or we all die. We did not feel that we were making a "choice."
I'm happy for Ms. Tebow that she survived the ordeal, but we should not be encouraging pregnant women to be flip or valiant in the face of life-threatening situations. It's sad but true that, even in 2010, pregnancy can be and is a life-threatening condition for many women, especially in other parts of the world.
I'm not your usual ALP reader in that I definitely lean towards the "pro-life" end of the spectrum more than others. What bothers me is the assumption by the pro-life movement that advertising and Right to Life marches would make any real difference to people who are considering abortion. If your child is, in fact, born disabeled, then let me assure you. . . you are on your own. Rather than wasting millions of dollars on condescending advertisements, how about a daycare for children with Down's Sydrome or a respite night for the families of special needs children? Yeah, I know, crazy talk.
Jesus, I didn't hear about this story because clearly I have not been listening to the news and I had no idea who Tebrow is/was.
But, GRR. This shit makes me want go all Hulk-like smashing things.
And that freaking Gainesville article, where Pam was all, I knew GOD had great plans for Timothy? REALLY? GOD might have a great plan for someone who cures cancer? the common cold? sure...a college football player? FEH, says I. But then again, I don't believe in a higher power, but I figure (s)he might have something better to do with her plan than figure out the grand plans for college football stars.
Also, didn't Tim's mother exercise her CHOICE? And wasn't she damn glad to have had that choice to exercise? That's what keeps going through my mind on this story...
Just read the comments and it seems she really didn't have a choice after all, huh.
The more I hear about this story, the more I think it doesn't support the side they think it supports.
The Eb White thing is so funny! I also love that Charlie matches the curtains in that photo.
@tash: "She's peddling obstetric luck off as gospel and that makes me sick."
Exactly.
When we also see advertisements (in the appropriate number) of the women who continued their pregnancies in the face of poor odds and weren't so lucky, I might feel better. Sort of.
One more post that makes me love your blog more and more. The only thing that I can take solace in is that Focus on the "Family" just burned $3M on a bunch of drunken (mostly) men scarfing down hot wings.
Finding a new post from you is like finding a wonderful surprise. Thanks for your thoughtful post and the sweet pictures of your boys. They make me smile. As for Tim Tebow, I'm a total Gator (a descriptive term used for those who graduated from U of Florida or who admire the team) and I'm disappointed about this ad. He appears to live very true to his values, so at least it's not hypocritical on his part. That said, I agree with the general dismay at this blatantly political/religious ad airing during the Super Bowl while others from the other end of the spectrum have been denied. As for Tebow, he usually expends his off-field efforts to actually help people, and I hope he will put his energies back into those more tangible endeavors.
Eb White! love that.
Hey Cloud, wouldn't it be cool if we could run an ad with Cecily's daughter saying "I'm here today because my mother was able to make a choice that saved her life?"
It's sickening, the implications of doctors pressuring women to abort and "because we're Christians, God saved our fetus." As a Christian, the latter especially disgusts me.
I only wonder if Mr. Tebow (husband of Pam, father of Tim) would be eager to be a part of an anti-abortion ad campaign if his wife and son had NOT survived Tim's birth. Is that outcome really "pro-life"?