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02/12/2010
Happiest place on Earth
Hey, thanks for the great Disney tips. Thanks to you I'm going to be all up in FastPass's business, and I have acquired the Unofficial Guide several of you recommended, but I'm sorry to say that some of your pointers, like any of those that call for making arrangements in advance, are off the table because we're leaving in approximately 12 hours. Yeah. Hoo, boy, I sure do like to plan ahead. You can't spell "hyperorganized" without...one or two letters that are also in my name!
Coincidence? I think not.
I had to laugh when I imagined some of you recoiling at the very mention of Disney, let us now praise its great and terrible name. Can I tell you that I have a few Disney issues myself? It's not quite Lunchables territory, only because I don't think they ground up any domesticated dogs to make Goofy, although on second thought there is an awful lot about that vest-wearing sonofabitch that begs an explanation. Gentlemen, I am waiting. Yes, I'll stand by until you finish your Maxed Out Deep Dish Pizza with Pepperoni-Flavored Sausage. To the X-treme, my good sirs.
...Anyway, in general I'm leery of the commodification of fun; any marketing aimed directly at kids makes me go all slitty-eyed and snarly; and as a rule I mistrust any corporate entity with that great a reach. Disney's kind of the category-killer on all three of those counts, and I've resisted it on principle.
But that principle — don't do anything that makes me feel more than 75% cynical — is, like most principles, subject to a savage beatdown when it wanders across the path of another, more badass conviction. In this case, that conviction is to see my mother whenever I can.
A couple of weeks before Christmas, my brother sent e-mail saying he and my sister-in-law were giving their sons a Disney cruise as a gift, and also including my mother. Did I want to get in on it? And I gave the matter careful deliberation for all of fifteen seconds, thirteen of which were devoted to going, "Diiiiisney. Huhhhh," before I said, "Yespleasethankyouwhendoweshoveoff?" Because the real question wasn't actually whether I wanted to sidle up to Donald Duck and murmur, "Hello, sailor," but whether I wanted to spend time with my mom. Recreational time, real leisure time, with none of the dispiriting conditions — my grandmother's increasing needs, Ben's exhausting limpet act, Charlie's inevitable, understandable boredom and eventual acting out — that prevail when we visit her.
I have been missing my mother. Since she's my grandmother's primary caregiver — a nice tidy clinical term that keeps me from wanting to cry too much — she can't get away easily. And when we make the trip, it's almost impossible for us to spend even half an hour together without someone requiring something: being held nonstop; being given an occupation at the pace an energetic five-year-old deserves; being discreetly followed around and prevented from leaving the stove on. It probably started when Ben was born, when my mother had to leave here early because my aunt was in decline. That feeling of Wait, I was hoping we could... And it hasn't let up yet.
It extends beyond just me. Since my dad died, since my aunt died, I'm aware every day of...oh, you know, just everything. Time fleeting. People mattering. Connections being irreplaceable. The only scant protection from the sadness of loss being a bulwark of happy memories. All of it, and besides — the relevant part here — the really strong desire for my kids to know my mother. It's not that she's their only living grandparent, although I think about that sometimes; it's that she's who she is and I want them to benefit from it as I have. They already do. I see the relationship Charlie's building with her and I think, More, more. I hope he and Ben get more, lots more.
So that's why I've packed our suitcases, stocked up on Lunchables for the flight, and spent approximately $300,000 on this Disney vacation extravaganza. Ben and Paul are staying home; Ben's too little, I think, to get anything out of the experience, and I suspect Paul's just as happy. We'll all meet tomorrow in Orland, then board the ship on Sunday. After a few days on the boat, it's back to Orlando for some time at various parks. My brother kindly made all the arrangements, so if I sound a bit vague, it's because I'm not entirely sure what we're doing. And I honestly don't care. Food, lodging, rides, whatever. Feed me $18 hot dogs, and charge me extra for the ketchup...double for ketchup with no mouse hairs in it. Make me share a chest freezer with old Walter Elias himself. Put me in a line to get in line to be in line for the line to the bathroom. (What, the ladies' room isn't a ride? It doesn't move or spin or play music or have happy little animatronic Pygmies singing me to my seat or anything? I want a goddamn refund. Happiest place on Earth, my ass.) Doesn't matter. As long as it involved some time with my mother, I'd even let Goofy hit me sideways.
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The Disney cruise is amazing. You'll have a fabulous time.
It's cool and rainy here now, but the parks are as empty as they get. Which is to say, pretty crowded, but not uncomfortably so.
Have a fabulous family time!
awwww...and for your birthday and everything! Have fun!
You will have a marvelous time. Consider this a good chance to "Scope" for future visits.
If you are going to animal kingdom, go first thing, and head straight for the safari to see all the animals (they nap during the day, so less active)
Always, when given the option, take the LEFT line. We as US people are programed to veer right (a la driving), so there will always be less people in the left line.
And prepare for Charlie's little world to get blown.
:)
Your mom will love spending the time with you all in such a magical place. And never hesitate to ask ANY castmember (not employee) for help or ideas - that's what they love.
I totally hear you. Mom-time trumps cynicism every time. Have an amazing time.
OMG. I love my mom that much too. We just took a 7 day trip to Puerto Vallarta (me + husband + 5 1/2 yr old + 18 month old) and we brought my parents along. HOLY COW! IT WAS AWESOME! I highly, highly, highly recommend the vacation + grandparents!!!! Have a wonderful time!
Oh Suzi! I can only imagine the trouble you've given Julie permission to start by asking cast members for ideas. This goes way beyond documentaries of the scabies infestations those poor cast members endured as they wore the Chip & Dale costumes!
Have fun and don't scratch the characters.
And for the love of all that is good and holy in the world: Do not - DO NOT - miss the FREE soft serve Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream on the Disney island, Castaway Cay. It runs out near the end of the day. Priorities, woman!
My biggest recommendation is to bring lots of things for the boys to do during dinner. The meals are fantastic, but very long. The crayons/sheet to color on, aren't nearly enough to last the two hours they take to indulge the adults in amazing food. Oh, and take advantage of cookies and milk in the cabin at night....num, num, nummy!
Bon Voyage!!!!
Thank you for reminding me why I put up with spending all of our family vacation time with my far-flung in-laws. Because no one loves my kids more than they do. Except me.
My girls (5 and 2) are both bona fide Grandma's girls. Thats just how it is here in my country. It a positive part of their growing up years.
Oh, were you exaggerating when you wrote that you spent $300,000? Co'z if you're serious... I consider myself lucky since we had a hard time spending our $1000 pocket money in Disney land Hong Kong. I know with the exchange rate and all, but still...
Oh, the land and see vacation... that's exactly what we did last year (only we did land first and sea second).
The cruise was pretty great for letting grown-ups sit and chat and enjoy each other's company while the kids swim or play bingo or dance or eat or whatever. The neat thing is that your stuff is always handy - right there in your stateroom! It's not like the parks where you have to tote way-too-much stuff around.
And the best part (commercialization or whatever) is that it really IS safe for kids to just be kids and a parent doesn't have to worry about keeping like Johnny calm or quiet. The Disney employees actually seem to ENJOY all the exuberance (or maybe they're all just well-trained actors).
I thought I would be on edge with all that DISNEY and all those children and it was quite the opposite - I found it VERY relaxing.
Have fun!
I am so so so jealous. Seriously. I am.
my friend recently offered the following advice: there are two places on earth where you just have to suspend your ethics and enjoy the scenery: the Vatican, and Disney World. So true. Just enjoy!
Have a wonderful time! I hear the Disney cruises are great for all kinds of families, and they're really good about making space for grownup-only time! Have a great visit with your mom!
Alison: we were just at the Vatican this past October on a Mediterranean cruise. I'm not Catholic anymore, but I'm standing in the Basilica, gazing at the Pieta, and thinking, "Hey. Michelangelo touched that. It's almost 600 years old. Huh." Ya can't help it!
We just got back from Orlando last night. Aside from it being cold, it was great !! FASTPASS rocked !!! Hope you have an awesome time.
My advice to everyone who goes to Disney is to have no expectations, just go with the flow and it will be great, especially with grandmom there. Have fun!
Good afternoon, may I introduce myself? I am your newest stalker. I have been reading the entirety of your blog, from waaaaaaaaaaaay-pre-Charlie to THIS point: http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2008/02/pillow-talk.html
I laughed so hard that coffee came out my nose. Especially the [snort] close-up of the maniacally jolly skull. Because this is precisely the sort of thing that my eldest (now 15) would have wanted at that age...at the age of three, she refused to go to bed without her Darth Vader action figure and she clapped with glee whenever he breathed scarily on the television.
I am making my way through your blog NOT because I am a creepy creepy stalker but because I have never seen anyone deal with infertility in such an incredible way.
So - back to 2008! See you sometime in 2010.
I don't know about Disney World or cruises or anything but I think Ben probably is too young, judging by the poor time most of the tinies appeared to be having at Disney Land when we went (Free! for my birthday! and then back to the other park free 4 weeks later because you get into both parks for the price of one if you are a SoCal resident!)
I love Disney. A lot of people think they hate it until they get here. :)
So, email me if you need anything.
Mom time what a treasure. I must admit to being a Disneyland devotee. My grandmother lived near Disneyland when we were growing up. We went every year for a long, long time.
Yes I hate their marketing and marketing and marketing. I (mostly) avoid falling into their traps but I do have a 50th anniversary hoodie that I will never part with and somewhere my first set of mouse ears WITH MY NAME ON THEM because it's just the coolest thing when you're 5.
Just go with the magical part, it will blow Charlie's mind and to have Grandma watch him is an extra special treat for you as well.
There's no risk of this happening to me (my mother appearing near anything Disney) unless, come to think of it (oh no!) it involves in-laws. But they're currently Vegas-bound, so for now, we're good. But yes, I'd do it too. I can offer no advice but hope you and Charlie both have a wonderful visit.
we love disney. been there many times since my son was 2 (he is 10 now) and he and his father go every year on a 'boys' trip and love it. the only bad thing (besides the expense) is the gift shops you have to walk thru after every ride. better now that connor is older but at 4 or 5... not too pretty sometimes. and when connor was little (up until 7 i think) we would go back to the room and nap for a couple hours and then go back to the parks. this avoided many meltdowns i think.
The sourballs - must try the sourballs - I have a friend heading to Anaheim this week and my order is in for 10 bags of the Goofy sourballs - they are addictive.
OH! I hope you check your comments before you set sail - On the ship, even if it's not on the room service menu, you can get Mickey Bars delivered by room service OR the "cake of the day"! My kids LOVED coming back to the room late at night and having one last, special treat.
I second the above commenter who tipped you off about the soft serve cookie dough ice cream. Seriously, get there early!
The best thing about the disney land of my youth was certainly the anamatronic creepiness. I still get giddy thinking of America sings or The country Bear jamboree. I hope they still have a few old school automatons for you to enjoy.
I predict that you will have a fabulous time. Seriously. Charlie is the perfect age, and this is one of the few places where behaving like a kid -- a good kid, but still a kid -- 24/7 is welcomed and encouraged. I'm a fan of the Peter Pan ride -- yes, old school, but fun -- and, while Charlie is probably too short for Space Mountain, try to fob him off on a family member and go yourself.
I too would do just about anything, even go on a Disney cruise, to spend time with my mommy. And yes, I still call her mommy.
Well see, if you'd asked me I would have told you not to go this weekend. But you didn't ask old Chris, your formerly barren friend (barefoot and blah blah blah). No, that's okay. I'm fine. Seriously, with enough therapy, I'll be fine.
Okay, it's my fault. I've lost touch with my fellow infertiles. But seriously, next time, come see momma, okay?
I was a huge Disney skeptic, but like others have mentioned, ended up having a great time when we went a few years ago.
It's probably too late since you've already left, but one thing no one has mentioned is that if you are a gum chewer, you should take plenty with you as it is absolutely impossible to purchase gum anywhere on Disney property -- must go hand in hand with the intense devotion to keeping the grounds clean. It even extends to the Orlando airport, which is the only airport I've ever been too in my life where the shops don't sell gum. I always want some on planes for my ears, but was out of luck. Bizarrely, the people who work in the magazine stands in the airport act like it's completely normal for them to be gum-free and you are the crazy person for asking for it.
Anyway, ditto everything else everyone has said about fast-pass, etc. Have an amazing time!
I got married on the Disney Cruise, on Castaway cay and it is FABULOUS! You will enjoy it! It is the most relaxing fun vacation and the extra $$$ is worth it for the extra service Disney gives you! I am sad for your husband and baby...they are going to be missing out on a great time! Have a blast!
You will very probably have a great time. A Disney cruise is a double dose of "sit back and let us do all the thinking for you." Sure, that doesn't make you Tony Bourdain. But Jesus must it be exhausting to be Tony Bourdain 24-7. Besides-- hard ass that he seems, it's not like he's the one making plane reservations and arranging for translators and guides. He has his own little Disney staff. Why can't you?
You will find that everything is cleverly themed and coordinated in a way that will tickle Charlie and will at least inspire grudging admiration for the scope of the imagineering in you. You will find basic American foodstuffs, souped up just a little to make them more special. The hot dog won't be $18, but it might be $6. You will find that these people DO understand how to create activities that engage kids, if nothing else. And that the kids' enthusiasm can be contagious.
Just surrender to it, eat the lotus, let it be uncomplicated for a few days. Yes, it's a big giant corporate "profit deal" (as Navin R. Johnson might say), but it's not exactly blood diamonds.
I hope you have a great time and I foresee that about 80% of the obstacles to spending quality time with your mom will be removed by Uncle Walt.
Bon voyage!
Actually, I'd love to do the whole Disney thing, 'cause that would mean being out of the SNOW... enjoy the time with your Mom and have an $18 hot dog for me. They're my favourites.
I think you will have a great time. One good thing about the Disney cruises, is you can sign your kids up for activities on the boat, and then go lounge with a drink in hand until the event is over. A fun vacation can be had by all!
I agree with everyone who says it's good to suspend cynicism for a Disneyland/World trip. As a California native, I have been at least a half a dozen times (as well as once to Disney World), and I've never had a bad experience. By far my favorite was when my parents took the family for their 40th wedding anniversary. My sister's kids had never been - there or to anything remotely close - and they just loved it. Watching my nervous 10-year-old nephew get totally into roller coasters was awesome.
Leaving a younger child at home is totally understandable, but it can also be fun to take them. Yes meltdowns happen, and yes it helps to go with a large group, like my family did, so people can take turns babysitting or going on the Winnie the Pooh ride seven times in a row, but it's wonderful in the way watching a child do anything that awes them is wonderful. My niece was only a bit over 2 when we went, and she probably won't remember this particular trip - but we'll all remember just how fascinated she was by Small World, how excited she got seeing Minnie Mouse, and those seven trips on the Winnie the Pooh ride. Every kid is different, but if you have one who's mostly calm and not easily frightened by large mice in polka dot dresses, it can be so. much. fun.
Only if you are reading these from the road will this do you any good. I grew up working at the kingdom of magic in California and would encourage you to do two things to keep your sanity within the house of mouse.
1. Think of the park like a big ol' church and Mickey is the big cheese. The parallels are fun (given your recent past discussions of faith) and the true believers are something else adorned as they are in their regalia. There are parades in his honor, banners with his image, oh, I could go on and on. I think its something in us humans that need this celebratory stuff and the parks are on equal footing with the Vatican in my book.
2. People watch. There is nothing like it. On the surface it can be all camp and tacky, but if you really look you get to see what it means to be an American at the start of the new century. Or an American of a certain economic strata that can afford... Ain't always pretty, but always interesting.
And don't watch the characters, watch your son. I've never understood why people line their children up next to the characters and take their pictures with everyone looking at the camera, especially a child who is a bit scared of the interaction. Run behind the character and capture THE LOOK ON YOUR CHILD'S FACE as they approach the character. If they believe, that is the picture you want.
Kel
I always wanted to take my kids to Disney. I have 2 twin daughters of age 4 and cartoons with Mickey Mouse and Pluto are the most important thing in their life. They will be so happy if I would do this for them.
Oh my god, this is so lame. (Not your post, but my soon-to-be-comment.) So I've been following you for years, and I thought I'd come out of hiding to say so. I first found your site when I was doing the mad-google to find out how the hell to get pregnant (I mean, I knew the basics, but I wanted all of that crazy information like cervical positioning, basal body temps, that nutty shit), because I had suddenly been struck by the absolute, dire NEED to have a baby (that instant). I don't know how your site came up, but it did, and I was hooked. That was two babies ago (for both of us) and it just feels creepy to keep reading you but not saying anything. So hi. I think your writing is amazing. My blog wants to be like your blog when it grows up.
Disney - WOW - I'm jealous! Hope everyone has a good time - you guys deserve it :)
I have only been once to CA, never FL. I was young, the person who came along with us SUCKED big time, so she spoiled the entire trip for my sister and I...yes spoiled DISNEYLAND so you know she was a loser. Anyway hope your time is awesome and don't hurt any characters.
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I was and am a complete Disney-Phobe but my mom, a cruise fanatic, heard about their cruises and the whole family went on one. This past december was our fifth. They have adult only areas. I mean I love my four kids but come on ADULT ONLY areas....