« Happiest place on Earth | Main | Breaking news: Local mother, supplanted by cat, finds parenting challenging »
02/24/2010
If you can think of a title that unites this post thematically, tell me. I'm all ears.
Item: By age 30, you've lost 90% of the eggs you were born with. From the Washington Post: "Now it appears that the old biological clock may start ticking much earlier — and faster — than once thought." But don't worry, the article advises; the 30,000 or so eggs that remain at the beginning of your 30s are probably more than enough. After all...it only takes one.
How I do love to laugh.
Item: Tomorrow — that's Thursday — The View addresses infertility. That the program is doing so by featuring Giuliana and Bill Rancic, who've made their desire to conceive the focus of their reality show, shall pass without comment. That it's also featuring NYU's Dr. Jamie Grifo seems encouraging, since in his frequent appearances in the media I've yet to see him offer his commentary with a rabbit on his head. But that it's featuring Risa Levine, a tireless advocate but moreover an extremely eloquent woman with firsthand experience of infertility and what its personal cost can be — that alone made me set the DVR. Oh, sure, my TiVo balked; so strong is my antipathy towards Elisabeth Hasselbeck that I soldered in an anti-View chip before I even hooked it up. But I think this one will be worth it. 11 AM ET on ABC in most markets.
Item: In Utah, awaiting the anti-choice governor's signature is a bill that criminalizes self-induced miscarriage. According to RH Reality Check, the bill "amends Utah's criminal statute to allow the state to charge a woman with criminal homicide for inducing a miscarriage or obtaining an illegal abortion."
I don't even know where to start with this one. I could froth for a bit about this latest attempt to establish fetal personhood, which has, as Lynn Harris points out, consequences beyond the issue of abortion. I could point out the obvious and dangerously slippery slope it constructs, where it could be argued that certain behaviors, ones that have been shown to increase the risk of miscarriage but are unexceptionably legal, could come to constitute intent to harm a fetus. I could decry the obtuseness of the legislature in considering the case that inspired this bill, "a recent case in which a 17-year-old girl, who was seven months pregnant, paid a man $150 to beat her in an attempt to cause a miscarriage," because, I mean, my God, guys. Don't get me wrong; I agree that there's something bad wrong there. But what looks baddest wrong to me is the desperation the girl must have felt in the face of the choices she had. If you want to do something, Utah lege, fix that.
But I'll take a step back from there, back from the passionate into the clinical, and simply say that a bill like this is ultimately futile. It won't prevent abortions. And when access to legal abortion is unavailable or difficult to obtain — Welcome to Utah, the lordy, do we hate abortion state — many women will still seek to terminate their pregnancies themselves. Whatever else the Utah legislators imagine a bill like this will do if signed into law, it will also discourage women, perhaps injured or bleeding or suffering from infection or uterine rupture, or even just plain old scared, from seeking medical care after the fact. And women will die, as they always have when safe access to abortion has been denied.
...
I care about all those things. I do. But I've also been using them, clicking, reading, and writing, as a way to put off something I must say. Do you remember Fonzie from Happy Days? Oh, come on, of course you do. You're as old as I am. Stop trying to pretend you still have more than 30,000 eggs. I can hear your tubes creaking when you walk.
Anyway, Fonzie had a problem, and no, I am not talking about too much vagina. No, it seems good sir Fonzarelli had a problem admitting he'd been wrong.
"I was..." he'd begin, when the necessity to apologize arose, and falter. "W...wuh...wuhrr...wrruhhhhhhghgh." Cue laugh track. He'd try again. "I was...wraaaaoggghghng." Canned hilarity. It was a gentler time, a more innocent time, a time in our cultural infancy when we didn't yet know what a douchebag Chachi'd turn out to be.
Like the Fonz, it's not always easy for me to admit when I've erred. So bear with me while I try to get this out:
I was wuh...wrhguh...
I was...wrruhhhhhhghgh...
Okay, look, fine. Disney was great.
The cruise, four nights to the Bahamas, gave us lots of time to visit and relax. It also presented Charlie with numerous opportunities to meet the Disney characters, many of whom were utterly foreign to him but no less beloved for it. I am fairly sure Charlie had no idea who Snow White was, but he sure couldn't wait to tell her about the RFID chip around his wrist for the kids' club:
Smooth, kid. I bet this chick digs nerds. Short nerds.
And although Charlie spent very little time in the kids' clubs on board, I was glad to know they were available in case I sparked a meaningful romance with Gopher or a Harlem Globetrotter or Charo or anybody and needed a little time alone. The food was passable, though not inspired. The staterooms were large. The coffee was atrocious. The weather was cold. The time with my mom and my brother's family was wonderful. And Charlie got to dress like a pirate.
Okay, maybe more like a preschooler-dressed-like-a-clown-dressed-like-a-pirate. But don't tell him that. He'd be so crestfallen to learn that he's not really suffering from debilitating scurvy, malaria, and the French pox.
I had a good time, but I don't think I'd take another Disney cruise. Although it was very well done overall, I'm not sure cruises are really my thing. For most of the time it was like being in a big hotel with mediocre food and waves outside the window. I might have liked it better had there been just a touch more rum, sodomy, and the lash. As expensive as the cruise was, I'm pretty sure they charge extra for that.
If I were going to spend the same amount of time and money again, I'd opt for more time at the parks, because I liked our two days in Orlando better. It really is the happiest place on Earth, y'all, if you're five. Luckily one of us was. I couldn't take in any of it without being acutely aware of the wheels within wheels, the staggering amount of money and effort that go into every aspect of the Disney experience. It didn't prevent me from enjoying it on its own merits, which are considerable, but it did add a layer of adult reservation. It was jarring to watch an earnest film at Epcot about energy conservation, and then to step back out into Ignore That Petroleum Barrel Behind the Curtain Land without feeling a little cognitive whiplash, you know?
Charlie, on the other hand, loved it on the purest level. Despite knowing, to the point of sternly reminding them, that the people walking around in chipmunk suits are, in fact, not real but people walking around in chipmunk suits, he still scampered eagerly to shake their hands. Paws. ...Handpaws. And despite correcting almost each singing doll individually that it is not, after all, a small world — "Well!" he chortled repeatedly, even after my explanation of the conceit, "Actually! It's kiiiind of a big one" — he loved every ride indiscriminately, from the lame to the sublame. -Ime. I mean sublime. He bought into it ardently, so much so that whenever something mildly unexpected would happen, like a waiter bringing him a refill of milk unbidden, he'd carol, "It must be that old Disney magic!"
And what surprised me about the whole thing had nothing to do with Disney itself, nor with Charlie's predictable love for it. It didn't even have to do with my own skepticism, which lifted upon arrival a little but not a lot. What surprised me was the realization that none of my enjoyment of it had anything to do with me. (Except riding the Segway. That was all me, and all awesome.) I thought a lot about what Kel said in the comments on my previous post:
Don't watch the characters, watch your son. I've never understood why people line their children up next to the characters and take their pictures with everyone looking at the camera, especially a child who is a bit scared of the interaction. Run behind the character and capture THE LOOK ON YOUR CHILD'S FACE as they approach the character. If they believe, that is the picture you want.
This applies to the whole experience. What I thought about it all on my own behalf — complicated grown-up thoughts like Jesus, did they drip this coffee through Mowgli's loincloth? — existed on a level apart from what I thought about it on Charlie's. And Charlie's was the one that mattered. In the best possible sense, what I thought wasn't important. After all, it should have been obvious: Disney World isn't for me. Or if it is, it's for me to enjoy through my kid, who loved every — okay — magical moment.
Comments (62)
Verify your Comment
Previewing your Comment
This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
Have I ever told you how much I love your posts? I LOVE YOUR POSTS.
Lucky Lucky Charlie.
I hope you got lots of pics with the Disney magic reflected in his eyes.
Jezebel has a good write-up on that ridiculous Utah law.
http://jezebel.com/5479032/the-next-anti+choice-target-miscarriage?skyline=true&s=i
Sometimes people hurt my brain.
Loved this post. My husband is strongly anti-Disney and while I totally get (and agree with) his reasons, I also firmly believe he'd enjoy the Disneyland experience because I and my son would love it.
The part about Disney made me cry real tears. I'm such a sap. I'm glad you had such a nice time.
You know, maybe Utah actually has something there - finally, a way to outlaw Lunchables: lunchmeat > listeria > miscarriage risk > SWIFT FIST (ahem) OF THE LAW.
(Sorry to be so flip, it's part of my anger management therapy.)
I have always sneered at Disney and had zero desire to experience it. Our daughter is 4 and we will be taking a trip with the inlaws in 2 months and I'm hoping for a good experience. I cannot imagine we'll have an opportunity for her to do this with her grandparents again - I hope it is everything she dreams of. I'm also hoping it isn't massive overstimulation and meltdown city in the heat of the Florida sun. I have been showing her Youtube videos of attractions and her thing she said was "Mommy, those aren't the *real* Mickey and Goofy, right? They are people in there, aren't there?" I answered honestly - I hope it doesn't spoil the magic for her.
That sounds wonderful. One of the most amazing things I've found about motherhood is seeing the wonder of the world through my kids. It makes the bad coffee and the early mornings worth it.
So glad that you enjoyed the time. I hope Charlie got to make some wonde3rful memories with his grandmother.
Sounds like Charlie had the BEST time ever. I love it! I had always dreamed of the day I would take my future kid to disney. Now that she is actually here, I am sort of terrified of what it could be like. Sounds like Charlie has a good strong mind about it all. I love that he told all the characters that they are people in costumes! HA!
What a lovely-sounding trip, despite the shudder-inducing coffee. (And my goodness, if that's the same awesome pirate fabric from other projects I've seen here, you really did buy a metric assload of it.)
Segways are way too much fun to be so expensive.
Beautifully written.
I well remember standing in line to see Mickey on our first trip to Disney. It was so expensive, so crowded and two of the three of us were already overwhelmed (me & the boy, thank goodness my husband is combat trained.) But when we rounded the corner and could see Mickey, my three year old started to tremble. Really and truly tremble and whispered, "Mom, That is really Mickey! I can see him!"
My heart melted and I got the same wake up call, that seems so obvious but is hard to remember in all the hoopla. It wasn't about me. It was about those few years when my son believed and when it was so easy to make him so happy.
Thank you for sharing your time there. The pictures are wonderful.
Mowgli's loincloth?!?
Ah, lady. I'll never have a shit cuppa coffee again without thinking just of you!
Julie I'm so glad you had a good time despite the non-magic magic. I feel that way about Vegas -- I can't even breathe when I'm there because I'm worried that even the air is fake.
My hubs grew up close enough to Disneyland to go after school and has been so annoying about wanting to take our DS before I think DS is ready. DS is now 19 months. And we live 5 hours away. So it's not exactly an easy thing. I'm hoping we can go next year when he's three but my DH may have a tough time waiting that long.
And lastly my favorite picture of myself at Disney was taken when I was about 3. My older brother and I were meeting Winny the Pooh for the first time. I stood behind him and tugged on his shirt to get his attention and he never looked back for me. And then he walked away. And through it all my parents snapped photos -- of the tug and of the tears. As a kid I had nightmares about it and focused on how sad I was. As an adult I love that they stood back and let me have my own experience, even if it wasn't happy. And man those photos are funny!
"Jesus, did they drip this coffee through Mowgli's loincloth?"
You.are.HILARIOUS.
How you can bring me from outrage, to tears, to peeing in my pants from laughing so hard (maybe your coffee got dripped through them, too?) is really remarkable. :-) Please don't ever stop!
Your post brought back memories of my (now 19) 2 1/2 year old son screaming with joy and pointing - "Pooh, Pooh."
Four years later our younger son screamed and cried at the sight of Goofy. Thankfully Goofy realized that Jack was deathly afraid of him and hid behind a pole. The rest of the week all we heard was, "I dared (scared) Doofy".
My husband may actually be the same as Wendy's (above)--and I feel exactly the same way she does. I feel like it can't be all bad if they are the second-largest pro-gay company (second after the company that employs me!), right? Well, we'll see if we ever go. My kids definitely want to and I have relatives in Orlando so maybe we will get there eventually!
Can I have a pair of pirate pants for my birthday? Pleeeeeeeease??
I spent a lot of time here in Southern California as a kid, and I remember riding on my Pop's shoulders and watching the fireworks over Tomorrowland as a kid. IT BLEW MY MIND.
As an adult with a preschooler and living 45 minutes from Disneyland (and annual passes, God help me), the magic isn't there so much. Oh, I occasionally feel a spark during an inspired Christmas parade or Fantasmic, but the kid adores it. Loves the Mickey ears hats, loves the crappy popcorn, Tom Sawyer Island and everything in between.
And you're right...the only way to feel that magic again is to look at it through your (inner?) child's eyes.
Otherwise I just get homicidal when another punk cuts in front of me for Splash Mountain.
I wonder if you got the same merck email I did about recent survey research on the impact of infertility on men and women? In short: newsflash - infertility makes both men and women feel crappy, and it can be hard on relationships. Um, duh?
Mowgli's loincloth filters! The next licensed disney product coming to a grocery store near you, right next to the snow white tampons.
You are so funny!!!
We're one of those jerks that absolutely love Disneyland, etc. ;)
But it is because our kids love it so much (and my husband and I are *like* kids when we're with them there) that makes it so much fun.
I'm glad you had such a great vacation.
Ok I'm not going to comment on the first part of your post because it will turn me into a raving lunatic - just how stupid are the people of Utah anyway???
Other half nothing to say but Happiest Boy on Earth!
See, now I did it WRONG. Actually, my husband did it wrong by planning a honeymoon to WDW without checking with me first. Go there with children = YES. Go there with new husband & thoughts of Romance and The Sex = NO.
Except for being there on Gay Day with a straight man wearing the same color shirt as the gay men (red) and watching him squirm (long story, one indicator that I made a mistake) = FULL OF WIN.
Glad you had a good time, and the wheels-with-wheels comment is exactly how I felt about it.
Thanks for the update on the trip. I now told our 9-year-old daughter that we'll never go on a Disney cruise as her dad/my DH hates bad coffee. I'd never hear the end of it the time we were there.
I can't wait--we're going in two weeks and while I know my Charlie is too young to really appreciate it, I know I'm the perfect age to appreciate him while he's there.
I'm new to your blog, and I'm so glad your little one had fun on his trip! Balls to you for handling it so!
I'm sort of commenting on the first part of your post. If you're interested in literature, read Edna O'Brien's 'Down by the River' - once you've recovered, google 'Attorney General vs X' - you may have heard her story. Won't provide any answers, but will likely add fuel to the fire. xo
Glad you enjoyed Disney Land!
I don't fully understand the hooplah over this new anti-miscarriage act, though. Maybe I'm just too Canadian, where there are no time limits on abortion at all.
While I think it's wrong to call it "homocide" to home-induce a miscarriage, I do think there is a logic to criminalizing it. After all, the coat-hanger method is hardly safe to the mother, as are many other methods of self-induced miscarriage.
But as I say, I come from a place where legal abortions are pretty easy to obtain, so maybe I'm just looking at things from the greener lawn.
I freaking heart you and your mowgli's loincloth coffee drinking self.
I feel kind of bad for Rob Pattinson. As someone pointed out on another blog I read, Rob has fallen backward into a vat of fame to the point that he's having his picture taken with anonymous ass for 12 hours, and is self-aware enough to realize how ridiculous the entire thing is. So yes, he's a bit of a dork, and then there's the whole vaudville joke about being allergic to vagina because when he's near it he swells, har har.
Anyway, I'm glad Charlie had such a nice time at Disney. My son is addicted to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse despite our best efforts, and since grandma and grandpa live in Florida, I have a feeling a trip to Disney is in our very near future. Right after we go to the Cape. There is no way I'll get my husband to take M to Disney before he takes him to see the rockets.
Thanks for continuing to make me laugh aloud, snort coffee out my nose if I'm silly enough to drink it while reading, and think. I appreciate all that.
Cruise coffee is the worst. Mowgli's loincloth, indeed!
How much more Pirate Skull fabric do you have left? I mean, we've seen a maternity shirt, pillow case, high chair pad, Bjorn insert, pirate pants...I am waiting for the lingerie set, receiving blanket, and new reusable Disney cruise coffee filter.
Post title: Take the all embracing "SHock and Awe" and tweak it...."Shit and Awe!"
I am in the beginning stages of planning a Disney trip - girls aged 9,7, and 3...I want to go while the eldest is still believing in magic and the youngest can perhaps remember snippets....
Any suggestions...am I running out of time????
Love you posts as always - you just make my day sometimes! ;)
yep... i agree completely. the reason i dragged my family and my husband's parents there when my daughter was four was exactly your sentiment: to watch her face as she met the characters (while she was still young enough to believe)... and then to see her form a crush on peter pan while we were there - priceless. oh, it had absolutely nothing to do with the adults - i'd rather go to the dentist to have my teeth whitened. but to experience her excitement was completely worth it. it's not for us... i'm glad you were able to enjoy it through C's eyes.
That's one gorgeous boy you've got there. And yes, I completely agree -- the magic of Disney is the effect it has on your child. It sure isn't a vacation -- it's an arduous journey. That being said, we're booking our trip to Disney today. Note to self: refill Xanax prescription before departing.
The food and coffee are mediocre on a Disney Cruise? You have GOT to be kidding. For the prices they charge, every passenger should have their own personal Cordon Bleu (sp?) chef.
As for the rest, hey, you said it real good. And..I'm glad you did, because I'm too incoherent to do it justice.
I cam over here because I knew you'd post something about the Utah law. I ranted about it a bit on my blog.
It was nice to be entertained by your Disney happiness.
thanks
Okay, I'll admit it, there was much squealing and teary-eyes when we met the princesses...and that was me watching my daughter meet her very first princess.
I second that request for a pair of pirate pants...!
I have always been a Disney skeptic, but I am married to a man for whom Disney remains the most magical place on earth (he actually wanted us to get married there - I negotiated a Disney-free wedding in exchange for a yearly trip to his personal Mecca for as long as we are married.) This means that I get to experience it not only through my daughter's eyes, but also my husband's, and honestly I can't always tell who's having a better time. Best part is, when we're there I can send them out for a day together, without me, and I get a DAY OFF! Disney magic, indeed.
I would have written in with my husband's extensive tips for a perfect Disney experience, but since in his world such a thing requires dinner reservations made six months ahead of time, his advice on the topic is mostly useless for those of us with other priorities.
Glad you had a nice visit with your family despite the Mowgli-flavored coffee (that made me laugh my head off, mostly because it's probably true.)
I get what you are saying and I can't wait to take my kids to Disney and see their eyes go all buggy, but...is it okay that when the hubs and I went to Disney on our honeymoon (yes, really) that I loved it then, too? I think it was because I just, y'know, wanted to.
"I might have liked it better had there been just a touch more rum, sodomy, and the lash."
But really, is there anything about which one COULDN'T say that?
Just me, then?
Anyway. We haven't quite got to Disney-appreciating age around here, but I can so see you're right. I'm glad Charlie had such a good time, and that you had a good time seeing him have one, and spending time with your mom and brother's family.
Okay, I love Disney. I mean, I have a blog about it. I go twice a year. I even, gasp, go with my girlfriends and leave the kids at home and we are reasonably normal people. And yes, before you ask I do also travel to different places. But I love Disney. I like that it's warm. I like that the poorly paid cast members (and yes, I call them that because they like it) seem to like their jobs. And come on, it's fun. I'm glad you had a good time.
Having said that, even I have walked through the Magic Kingdom cursing because Disney doesn't have enough recycling bins or because they haven't yet figured out how to replace those stupid plastic Mickey head plates with something more environmentally friendly. And this is from a company that is widely regarded as being one of the more environmentally friendly companies in the US.
PS: When I was at Disney in December a cast member made me cry. Really. No pixie dust from that asshole.
IfByYes,
The problem with the law is that it says (from RH reality check):
"Using the legal standard of "reckless behavior" all a district attorney needs to show is that a woman behaved in a manner that is thought to cause miscarriage, even if she didn't intend to lose the pregnancy."
So. Women often blame themselves for miscarriages, society likes to dogpile on that, and miscarriage is not very well understood.
Doctors tend to stand around wringing their hands like assholes and saying "Well, we just don't know what causes most miscarriages" while simultaneously A) Not really investigating the causes and B) Preaching bullshit scare tactics about pregnancy (getting lathered about lunchmeat, but usually failing to mention the greater danger of spousal homicide).
On top of that, let's pile the fact that everything from air to water to coffee to stress has been suggested to cause miscarriage, PLUS a significant percentage of pregnancies in the US are unplanned, therefore women frequently don't know they're pregnant and do all KINDS of things that aren't really nifty with regards to pregnancy before they find out, and what you've got is a really excellent legal excuse to persecute and jail women who have miscarriages because they had a goddamned beer or whatever.
I was 5 when I went to Disneyland with my family, and I remember every minute of that day. And I mean every minute. (We had dinner at a cafe while they were shooting fireworks over the castle. I had salsbury steak w green beans and mashed potatoes. That is how well I remember). It was totally magical. I'm so glad that you got to see the joy on Charlie's face. I'm sure he'll never forget.
That bill is scary to the nth power. One out of four early pregnancies end in miscarriage. We all know someone who has had one, if we haven't had one ourselves. (I've had one, my sister, my MIL, My next door neighbor, and my friend who has had two..no known reason). You tell someone you know that you've had a miscarriage and there's a very good chance that she will come back with "Yeah, me too...and my mom, who went on to have 5 kids...and my aunt...." . This bill is about all of us.
I think I have ontological whiplash after reading your blog for approximately 3 minutes. You seem to be addressing the stress and trauma of infertility... but then begin raving about the availability of abortion and how fetal personhood is simply beyond the pale? Really?
How do you reconcile the two competing belief systems of "kids good, I'd do anything to get 'em" and "it's her body, let her call the shots on whether the kid lives or dies"
Fascinating...
Cute kids, btw.
thank you for the Pogues reference.
win.
@akeeyu: Thanks for the clarification. That IS really terrible.
Also, @Jenny: Say I really, really, really want to a puppy. Now say a law comes out saying that people HAVE to hown a dog or go to jail. I can still find the law unreasonable even if I myself would have no problem with it.
Strange example, but it gets the point across: Just because you have had difficulty attaining something yourself doesn't mean you necessarily believe that other people don't have the right to choose a different life.