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03/03/2010
Breaking news: Local mother, supplanted by cat, finds parenting challenging
I don't get discouraged very often. Oh, I have my isolated hours of weary frustration, my moments of tooth-gritting, my fifteen-second flashes of What if I just kept driving? I note for the record that those last do not occur during drives with the children in the back, like the one we took yesterday afternoon. The screaming (Ben's) and recriminations (Charlie's) were enough to make me suspect that our hybrid runs not on electricity but on filial discord. The louder you whine, the faster I drive.
It's been a rough ten days. Since we got back from our trip, Charlie's behavior has been almost uniformly rotten. Defiance, rudeness, and aggression have been floating so near his emotional surface that the smallest provocation — or sometimes none at all — results in an outburst that confounds all our attempts to defuse it. I can usually weather the occasional storm with good humor, and even lately my lips twitch as I try not to smile; there's something hilarious about being berated by a five-year-old who hasn't learned to swear. "You are a...spoiled...lady!" he sputters. True, but I was really hoping for something in an inflexible harridan. Shall we try again?
But at the moment I'm frazzled. This time I'm having a hard time recovering my optimism. Every moment is a battle, and the stress is beginning to get to me. A few nights ago I achieved a dubious milestone. Charlie was complaining, as he does every night, about one of the few regular jobs he has — "You always make me set the table. It's not fair. I hate to set the table. It's no fun." — and I finally said it. "I don't care," I told him, in a pleasant conversational tone. "It's your job, and you need to do it anyway." It was the first time I'd ever told him explicitly that his feelings were immaterial. That felt worse to me than it does when I sometimes raise my voice, because I perceive a big difference between For the fifth time go get dressed and It doesn't matter what you think. But it also paradoxically felt better. It was a relief, if a temporary one, to be honest about my own frustration for just a moment.
[There were three paragraphs here detailing recent clashes. It felt good to write them. It felt better to delete them. Because ultimately, what does that serve? Charlie's five years old. I'm now 39. As demoralized as I am, I do remember that. As irritating as his behavior is, I can still sit alone in the dark and drink.]
I have some guesses as to the origins of all this. It's hard to come down after a vacation. There are changes afoot at preschool that might be throwing him a bit. (I told them the rack was more effective than the wheel, but did they listen?) He doesn't, I suspect, get enough sleep, despite an 8 o'clock bedtime. He's certainly chafing at the new incursions Ben gleefully makes into previously uncontested territory. And on top of all that, it'sprobablyjustaphasehe'sgoingthrough. But I suspect there's something more, something I'm missing. And Charlie can't be of any help. He doesn't know why he's being such a punk. Gentle queries about his mood and behavior have yielded only the information that Paul and I are mean and always stop him from doing what he wants to do and are not very nice parents at all because you are always supposed to be nice to your children and I don't love you I only love Dad and the cat and N-O and S-T-O-P and [angry poking gesture with his dinner fork].
So I don't feel I truly know what's going on, and I just don't know how to change it, and I'm not even sure I know how to weather it. I'm sure not doing it very well. Last night after dinner, Charlie followed me into my office, the better to continue his litany of complaints about I don't even remember what, and I was just so beaten by it that I asked him to leave. "Please go out of here," I said to him. He stopped for a second, and then, deciding I hadn't meant it, started following again. "Go out," I told him, and he did, bewildered. I closed the door behind him, then sat in my chair and cried.
We had a good talk at bedtime. I'd like to believe I got through to him, but lately we've had several good talks at bedtime, with little enduring change. Yet I know it will get better; the single lesson I can confidently say I've learned about being a parent is that everything, bad or good, changes. And then changes back. Sometimes with nauseating speed. Repeatedly. Until you and your children have reached the perfect peace of nirvana, having extinguished all destructive longing and achieved freedom from human suffering, in which case I now understand why you were wearing yoga pants all over town and I apologize for mocking you. Or until you decide that maybe this Sunday, just this once, you won't visit them in prison. Whichever.
I know it will get better. At the moment, though, I'm just tired, worn out by the turbulence. Discouraged, which is in itself discouraging. I've been liking five so much. Shame it's trying to kill me.
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I know what you;re saying. Just exactly. But you're a much more loving/patient mom then I am, by age 3 the "Okay, go away now, I'm done listening to you whine" was a regular rebuff, and honestly? Sometimes it really DOESN'T matter how they feel about something. I mean yah, I'd rather they were chipper but they aren't, and they have to do it anyway. I've become numb ( or is it... honest?), and saying "well it doesn't matter if you don't want to ___________, you're going to do it anyway" really really doesn't bug me at all. So you win that parenting point, lol
Oh, see, I've made that clear, too: "I know you don't like to do it, but it needs to be done and it's your job." What was new was my shocking revelation that while I know he's not happy about it...I don't care.
He said, "But you care about me," as if to remind me. "Sure," I told him. "But how you feel about setting the table isn't important."
And it's not. And I'm pretty sure that was a revelation to him.
A phrase I've found somewhat useful is, "I need a timeout"
And sending you hugs and love.
On the sleep front: reinstitute a thirty minute quiet time (on bed w/ book?)
Ohhh, the parental time-out! I'd heard of those before, but had somehow forgotten. Thank you. The idea of a time-out is, alas, familiar to Charlie, so it's a concept I can definitely use.
Charlie generally reads a lot already before lights out. Paul does his bath and bedtime. Then Charlie reads for a while. Then I go in for lights out and, lately, a last round of bitter accusations. But Paul and I agree that he would benefit from more quiet time overall, so I think that suggestion is on the right track. Thanks.
5 is also an age, especially with school, when they are learning that they are not in fact the center of the universe. Having to share at school, having to share you with Ben - this is upsetting to him and he's trying to reinsert himself as the center by screaming "Look at me!" in various ways.
Having the bedtime talk is important, even though it seems like he forgets it the next time he gets upset. But it's a constant for him, that you keep reminding him that you care about him and love him and that his behavior is not HIM.
Charlie will not be able to have a revelatory moment with you right now, and you may not understand why he's doing this until he's 8. Or maybe 18. However, the best thing that you can do is to keep reminding him that while some of his behavior is unpleasant, you will always love him and that he will always be important to you. Then shut the door and do as you please.
My son -- also five -- is very much like this as well. And I often find myself feeling just the way you do. Just worn down by the incessant complaints, the inability to respond to any setback with anything other than immediate tears and yelling. (Wait, that last part might be me.)
And we've had the "I don't care, do it anyway" frequently, with both him and his seven-year-old sister. I try to remind myself to say -- not necessarily in that moment -- "I love you, I always love you even when we're mad at each other."
I have been told by people who seem to have done their research that bedtime should be no later than 7:30--sometime between 7 and then--until age 6. So, maybe sleep is part of all this. (It works for us, but our kid is just on the cusp of 3; 5 is an unfathomable gulf in age, to me.)
But yeah, sometimes they are just hosers. At times during the terrible twos I found myself seriously, honestly wondering whether my son was a psychopath, or if I was. Or both.
I have also heard some people speculate that kids go through 6 months of being mostly nice, then 6 months of being pretty jerky, at least through age 6 or so. I don't know if that's true or not, or maybe it is for some and not others. I have noticed that as we hit 3 our son is kind of being an ass again, so I guess we'll see.
Wow. Your comments on Charlie almost always parallel my experiences with my 5 year old. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for being so generally awesome that you have readers who can offer fantastic insight (ms. ellenoy for one!)
I can echo the mama-time out being a good idea, if difficult to enforce when I'm home alone with the kiddos. And simple as it sounds, often what he needs is some quiet time outside. To get fresh air while not being told what to do. Even when it's raining it seems to lift his spirits and maybe help him find his sweet center.
Oh. I tell my kid that if she needs to whine/complain/cry about nothing, she can do it in her room because I'm tired of listening to it. She's not yet 3. Color me bitchy.
Speaking of, my kid HAS learned to swear. Well. With perfect timing and intonation. It's hilarious and embarrassing and I can't seem to stop it, no matter what I do. At least he doesn't mutter "fuck" on the way to time out.
It took you 5 years to say "please go out of here" and "I don't care what you think," only once? Can I nominate you for parent of the year?
Really, you sound awesome.
I must be perverse, because when my 8-year old calls me the meanest mom in the world for making him leave his iPod touch in the car when we go to church, I feel like I'm doing my job.
Nevertheless, it is still soul-crushing to battle the constant complaints when (honestly) aren't you thinking--"Jeez kid I just took you to the HAPPIEST PLACE ON FRICKIN EARTH. Could I bask in the afterglow of that for like 5 seconds?" Maybe its just me, but I was always more hurt by my kid's bad/ungrateful behavior when I felt like I had actually been doing a pretty commendable job of being a mom--you know like arranging fun playdates, taking enriching trips to the science museum, wrecking the house with elaborate craft projects, as if a youngster could keep score and I would get extra credit for my effort, as if.
So, yeah thistooshallpass, for what that's worth. But you're doing the hard work of parenting. I suppose they don't call it a labor of love for nothing. Good luck.
Yup... he's reached the age at which he can be INTENTIONALLY emotionally hurtful. J.Q. has, too; he regularly squeals, "... you're TRYING to make me sad! I'm NEVER talking to you again!" And it always feels like a slap across the face, whatever the etiology (and no matter how patently ridiculous the accusation). Trying to get them to empathize doesn't work (I don't even know if four-ish/five-ish kids are capable of it yet); the only thing which seems to occasionally work is busting everything down to an "if you do X, then Y" equation (in an attempt to get them to start blaming The Rules for their misery, rather than Their Stupid-Head Parents).
Christa, one of the paragraphs I deleted was in fact about yesterday's trip to the science museum. And EXACTLY.
This is actually relieving to read, as it mirrors my five year old pretty exactly. And, oh, the screaming. Five year old tantrums have made me reconsider my earlier belief that my son is a fairly laidback fellow. I think it does come down to beginning to sort out their place in the world and throw in my five-year-old's unshakable belief that he would be a MUCH BETTER parent than I ever have a hope of being. He tries to take the reins regularly. I have found the "I will not shout back at him" approach drives him to ever higher levels of anger. And, honestly, it's sometimes astonishing that a request like, "please use the bathroom before bed" merits the half hour of screaming that follows.
Julie, Been there, am there. I think you are a far better parent than me. I lose my temper and raise my voice and have to apologize (a lot.) But, one thing struck me when I read your post. It seems like you could stick up for your space, your needs, your time, your feelings more. I think all kids need to see their parents as autonomous individuals with needs and feelings. Yeah to you for telling him that his complaints didn't matter when it came to setting the table and for asking him to leave the room when he was being annoying. I think those are two very legitimate and important acts towards parental respect and autonomy. FYI - very simple rewards charts (very temporary) around specific behavior has worked wonders for us. And I love the book "The Blessing of the Skinned Knee" We aren't Jewish or religious, but this book provide some balance to so many of the parenting books that are entirely child-centric. http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Self-Reliant/dp/1416593063/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1267640987&sr=8-1-fkmr0
I think it must have something to do with five. I have no idea what, or why. But my daughter is five. Just turned five. But she was toying with this...this...whatever the hell this is, even before she turned five. And now that she is five, well, every day its an attitude about something. Lucky me she picked up the "I don't care" bit at school, and is still trying to learn how to use it. For example, when I say no more Chuggington on TV, she storms off and says "I don't care", to which I Reply, actually, you do. That's why you're upset. This does not go over well.
But I know just how you feel. So tired of it. So much like a bad parent b'c it's exhausting, and it frays our nerves. Sometimes I fear all she'll remember is the yelling. STop that, eat your dinner, turn off the whining, go to bed, stay in bed, for the love of all that's holy GET BACK IN BED. Sorry. Went off on a rant there.
I'm there with you, even if that doesn't fix it. I'm there too.
My bete noire is seven now, and the other day when we were taking a joint time-out and trying to resolve a particularly ferocious round of head-butting, she said "I think you should read this again" and handed me a copy of Faber & Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Learn.
Infuriatingly, she's right. They're my bibles.
http://www.fabermazlish.com/Books.htm
Of course as everyone else has pointed out, if you made it to 5 years without dismissing his feelings? You so win.
I just wanted to piggyback on the last comment, regarding the 6-month changes. Hydra at Hands Full of Rocks talks about this a lot, and she refers to it as regulation vs. disregulation. I can't find anyplace where she spells it out, though, so I'm posting this plea for anybody who knows more about this theory and where one can read about it, to please post about it. As the pp said, the idea is that around the half-year point things get rough (so, 2 is lovely, 2 1/2 is awful; 5 is lovely, 5 1/2 is awful; also, I think this is tied more to actual gestational age, so a preemie will appear to be off-schedule, and of course the timeframe will vary a bit per child and per developmental stage). I think the original theory on this only covers very young kids, but it's been quite helpful for me with my now-12-year-old stepson, to recognize that his seeming backslides in October every single year might not negate his developmental triumphs in the late Spring and early summer of every year.
Other than that, sending you hugs, Julia. I missed 5 in my stepson, and can only look forward in dread to those days with my (soon-to-be-born) little one.
Whew! I thought only my son had turned into an incessant complainer. It makes me feel better to know it really does seem to have something to do with his age. The other day I actually told him he was really annoying. It just slipped out in a moment of frustration. Oh the guilt!!
I am so old now I seldom read parenting books any more, but now, dealing with grandchildren regularly (work-day day care for them), I really do think the 6 months on, 6 months off theory is about right. As I remember, it's Louise Bates Ames and the Gesell people who did me the most good with a theory I recall as half a year of equilibrium, half a year of emotional imbalance. Maybe that's not what they said, but that's how it has resonated with me for 30-plus years.
There is no doubt that we ask a 5-year-old to do a lot of things that make big demands, and that it is next to impossible to get a child to bed as early as would be ideal, particularly if you want bathing, eating more than pizza, and some amount of reading to occur.
Best of luck. When one of my daughters was in first grade, I said to the teacher, "I get only the dregs of her personality--she's a brat much of the time." The teacher, a real veteran, said to me, "Think how much she must love and trust you to let you see this side of her personality" and that has been very helpful to me.
So many hugs.
I always chalk it up to a growth spurt when my daughter is whining, crying, angry for a few weeks. I used to spend ENDLESS hours analyzing what had changed in her world with not much success.
Also, I try to remember that the "good talk at bedtime" may take a few weeks to really affect her behavior -- not one day.
I don't drink in the dark. But I watch the Young and the Restless after she goes to bed.
I've got nothing. But this is why I find parenting a grade-schooler so exhausting. Who knew that responding firmly and appropriately to a child's endless exploration of boundaries and dumping of inarticulate feelings on mommy would be as exhausting as getting up to feed a baby six times in one night?
I try to remember to take my time-outs. I try to remember to practice my breathing while I'm taking my time-outs. And honestly I've started telling myself that it's OK for my kids to see that their less-than-perfect behavior wears me out. Not all the time, but come on. I'm human. I can only do the best I can. Sometimes they've just got to go in their rooms and dump it in their journals instead of on me.
Oh, I have a four-year-old who could be Charlie's BEST FRIEND. But I also have four other kids who never had that specific temperament, and they're all growing up in the same house, so I think it really is the kid sometimes, not the parent or any particular circumstance. I also think it's totally FINE not to care when a child resents "work." I mean, if I need my kid to panhandle on the corner for rent money -- no wait, that's not right. But, I have on occasion told my kids -- particularly the ones who don't want to do something and think that by refusing to eat they can effect a change in policy -- "Your refusal to eat does not affect my day AT ALL."
You're probably just a kinder, gentler mom than I am.
It's important for kids to know that, while their feelings are important, they are not always more important than everyone else's. Kudos to you. I've had plenty of kids in my college classroom who obviously never learned that lesson.
I have given myself many a time out. I just declare it to anyone that will listen and stomp off to my room and shut the door. Sometimes I cry, other times I just lay there and blank out the world. It usually helps.
We've been going through the wringer with our newly-turned-3 year old and I tell ya, there are days when I want to just keep on driving too.
I love that you blogged about it - I feel like I can completely relate to you on a human level.
The other day my son, only 3, told me he didn't love me, he only loved his father. I decided right then and there to pick that battle and let him know that is not among the things he is ever allowed to say. He's never allowed to say that to his family members and there will be repercussions if he does. I wonder, though, if that's not a good parenting strategy, purposefully muzzling my child?
No helpful suggestions but I am taking notes.
Update: last night, while enduring the horrible indignity of being forced to take a bath before bed, Charlie announced that his list of beloved family members is down to 1: "I don't have any love for you. Or for mama. Only Skillet."
It's a big responsibility, but then he's a big cat.
I can't wait to come visit! Have decide to eat my young for dinner tonight well before age five to spare myself the heartache. Still, I'll be left with fond memories of being told to "Zip it!"
I can't wait to come visit! Have decide to eat my young for dinner tonight well before age five to spare myself the heartache. Still, I'll be left with fond memories of being told to "Zip it!"
There must be something to the six-month theory, because for the past six months my son's kindergarten teacher, my husband and I had been beating our heads against the brick wall my son had turned into. Anger, aggression, defiance, meanness, rudeness, name-calling - it all poured out of him at the slightest provocation. We tried and tried to analyze what was going on, to no avail.
We finally did just put the brakes on the behavior much like you described: "I don't care if you don't like it; this is how the world works: we do the work the teacher assigns, we don't hit, we put our plates in the sink and go to bed when it's time." Once he realized arguing, crying and calling us mean and fat and stupid was frankly not going to change our minds, the situation improved rapidly.
He just turned six and he is now so much more enjoyable to be around. He now follows directions and goes to bed without the hour-long battle of wills of six months ago.
It has been hell though, and I really do commiserate with what you are going through.
There also is the route of demanding more cooperation of the child and showing more anger (yelling, frustration, crying, screaming, stomping your foot). I know this will not be suggested in any parenting book. Maybe for a reason, but for us it worked.
I have a harder time than you I believe to keep my patience. I just can not take it, that when we have to leave the house on a certain time, one of my children is not cooperating at getting dressed, etc. and everything gets very rushed, we arrive late, or I am the only one carrying the groceris upstairs etc. So there was a need to "repair" the damage of yelling at my children. With hindsight I actually think this was a good thing.
I started with my older son (4,5 years old) to explain how his behaviour made ME feel. That it makes me upset and unpatient and that yelling at somebody is not okay, but what else should we do to make it work ? It helped. I am not the only person trying to calm the atmosphere anymore. He still misbehaves but also often realizes it himself and talks about how TOMORROW he will not do this anymore or similar. And I asked him to tell me when he thinks I am not patient enough and he loves doing this.
Maybe this puts a burden on a child and one should not overdo it, but children get bigger and they have to learn to look out for other people's feelings, too.
It might also help to take off this feeling of the child that he is always the one being corrected. It is more a group effort of behaving right.
My fraternal twin girls are 5 (will be 6 in April) and I've been there and am currently there with the 5 year old DRAMA. One of my girls follows her sister by about six months with any development/behavior issues. So while I feel like I've come out of the other side with one, we're just getting started with the other. I often discuss with my husband would it be better for us just have them be hellions at the same time and then we'd have six months of peace or is it easier to deal with one at a time, sigh, who knows. When we're knee deep in the DRAMA I'll definitely send them to their room until they can improve their attitude and I'm not ashamed to admit that. After a few times of trying to be the good, sensitive mommy and reflect back to them about their feelings with little positive results, my temper usually gets the best of me and I'm over trying and just want the precious darlings out of my face. Hope you come out of the other side soon, in the meantime I recommend an extra glass of booze in the evenings.
@ TheGoriWife, I think it's an excellent parenting strategy, personally. Kids want us to set boundaries for them. They need to know their limits. Why should a verbally hurtful statement from a child be any more acceptable...than a child who hits, or bites his parents every time he is angry with them?
AAAAaaah. Everything you just said X 2. Unlike you, however, I say "I don't care" these days on a regular basis. It sure beats banging my head against the wall a thousand times a day, or screaming "JUST SHUT THE F#$@ UP, PLEASE!". Suddenly my twins have turned aggressive, pinching each other and chasing each other around the room. When they aren't hugging each other and being all kissy. They have gotten so demanding I get exhausted just from their constant nagging and requests. (hence the 'I don't care'). All of a sudden it doesn't matter how many times I say "we'll have snack after blah blah" or "We can't play that game until A goes down for her nap". It's always NOW MOMMY? NOW MOMMY? HOW ABOUT NOW? I can't tell you how many times I end up crying on the toilet for 5 minutes.
I know it's a stage. Kids this age feel torn between wanting to be big, and just wanting to have things done for them. They are mature enough to realize that getting big isn't exactly the deal they signed up for. Especially when there is a toddler around who is still being changed instead of having to poop in the toilet, wipe, flush, wash hands... who doesn't have to sit and fight to put on her socks, who doesn't have to pick up her clothes, or brush her teeth herself or whatever. Growing up is sooooo haaaaaaard! On me! Pretty soon they'll be able to do more for themselves without it being so difficult, and they'll become easier. Until then, thank the gods for booze in the dark and a good book!
There's always much talk of control in dealing with toddlers, giving them choices about things that don't matter so they can feel they have some control over their world, etc... but I think it is also a valid way to think about 5 and 6 year olds. By the time they get to this age, what color cup they drink out of or what books you read are decisions that obviously rank very low on the totem pole of control and they realize this. So I guess I'm asking could he earn some control for good behavior?
Could you make name tags out of folded over construction paper and each night as he sets the table Charlie also gets to decide who sits where? If Paul always gives the bath, could he have some coupons in his drawer to cash in for a bath with Mom? Could he get to decide every night that dinner goes well if he wants a shower vs. bath?
Just some ideas, if they don't work at least after trying them you'll be another day closer to 6!
TheGoriWife - In that vein, I always told the kids that they don't have to like me but they still love me. Just as I will always love them even if I don't like them (or their behavior) sometimes.
Nothing but sympathy from me. My 4.5 year old has a craptacular attitude lately, too. I think it has to do with the weather, and being cooped up for so long. Everyone is ready for spring.
Regarding setting the table, I usually say something like, "Well, I don't want to make dinner, either. I'd much rather be reading a book, but since we're a family and we need to eat supper, I'm going to make dinner and you're going to set the table and then we'll eat. Maybe later I'll be able to read my book and you'll have time to play."
I like to reinforce the notion that as a FAMILY we're all in this together, and we all have jobs that we need to do to keep the family running (right now those include setting the table, putting our own dishes in the sink when we're finished, putting away the condiments after dinner, and putting laundry in the hamper. Occasionally they also help me sort the silverware out of the dishwasher, or move laundry - the horror! :) ).
Mothers of older kids tell me that we're in training for having teenagers. If teens are like this, I only have three words - Swiss Boarding School.
My wife said I should come read this entry because our twins are five. I have no advice (for anyone), but I do find great utility in the phrase "That's terrible!"
"They are? That's terrible! Put them on."
"I am? That's terrible! I said sit down."
Before I became a father, I couldn't wait to use the father's response in PRIDE AND PREJUDICE to his youngest daughter's passionate lobbying for a holiday at the seaside (I think it was):
"And yet, I remain unmoved."
Hadn't fully realized, before writing this comment, that I've found my equivalent.
At least you're still in your position. My now 16-year-old, back when he was Five, would fire us at least three or four times a day, like a small, less balding Donald Trump. I remember one especially lovely time when I had to remove him from church services while he screeched "You're fired, Mommy! SO VERY FIRED!"
Keith, your comment made me laugh out loud.
And if I am correct in surmising that you are one of that rare breed of men that has actually read AND REMEMBERED Pride and Prejudice, tell your wife that some random stranger on the internet says she is lucky.
Julie- I have nothing for you that you don't already know. This too shall pass. It is all just a phase. These are also my main learnings as a parent.
Keith, your comment made me laugh out loud.
And if I am correct in surmising that you are one of that rare breed of men that has actually read AND REMEMBERED Pride and Prejudice, tell your wife that some random stranger on the internet says she is lucky.
Julie- I have nothing for you that you don't already know. This too shall pass. It is all just a phase. These are also my main learnings as a parent.
Keith, your comment made me laugh out loud.
And if I am correct in surmising that you are one of that rare breed of men that has actually read AND REMEMBERED Pride and Prejudice, tell your wife that some random stranger on the internet says she is lucky.
Julie- I have nothing for you that you don't already know. This too shall pass. It is all just a phase. These are also my main learnings as a parent.
Oh dear. Sorry for the stutter.
1) I have MANY times said -- I don't care how you feel/what you think. Sometimes I think this is a legitimate thing they need to know. Lots of times I'm just strung out.
2) I second the "Blessing of the Skinned Knee" book -- it's lovely.
3) This story is very similar to much of my almost-7-year-old's life. We are realizing that he has some involved learning differences. I always suspected them and they are being confirmed. I'm learning about how they impact all areas of his life, including behavior. I'm not saying this is the case for you. I just know we do not always share everything in our blogs, and maybe our story has some relevance for you. 4) Hugs to you, cause we all need them!
1) I have MANY times said -- I don't care how you feel/what you think. Sometimes I think this is a legitimate thing they need to know. Lots of times I'm just strung out.
2) I second the "Blessing of the Skinned Knee" book -- it's lovely.
3) This story is very similar to much of my almost-7-year-old's life. We are realizing that he has some involved learning differences. I always suspected them and they are being confirmed. I'm learning about how they impact all areas of his life, including behavior. I'm not saying this is the case for you. I just know we do not always share everything in our blogs, and maybe our story has some relevance for you. 4) Hugs to you, cause we all need them!
Oh, I didn't mean to stutter either! Love Keith's comment too. Oh and as Lisa said, I've been fired lots of time!
Age 3 is great. 3 1/2 sucks. 4 is great, 4 1/2 sucks. 5 is great, 5 1/2 sucks. Sometimes it's just that simple.
My twins are two (today!), so I have no advice to offer. I just have to say that, frequently, blog threads filled with advice about parenting make me want to bang my head against the wall, and with this one I'm copy-pasting and nodding furiously. Good for you, Julie, for attracting such a smart and compassionate and generally excellent group of commenters! You mamas (and Keith) warm my heart.