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Lies I tell my children

The hole in Ben's ear is, variably, a portal for sound, a window into the future, and the warren of a family of tiny raccoons who eavesdrop on his thoughts.

Why does Tintin's co-conspirator Captain Haddock carry a cane?  To use in savage beatdowns of the hapless Thomson and Thompson.

It's a matter of simple coincidence that Ben's fortune cookies tell him the same thing very time: "Always do what Dad and Mama say."

Monkey bread's made from monkeys.  Baby ones, kind of like veal.  Remember this fact for the future, when somebody offers you sweetbreads.

The hollow underneath where the arm joins the body is properly called the nuba, and the passages that go to the lungs and the stomach are collectively called goozlepipes. From the Latin. Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.  White milk comes from white cows.  Pink milk comes from flamingos, and it tastes a little like shrimp.

It is true, as rumored, that the Tooth Fairy's palace is made from the teeth of children, but it is not true that it is located in a fantastical other realm. It's here on Earth, open for tours, right next to a quaint little church. Someday I'll take you there if you want. Now go and brush your teeth.